On the Way

Hemmed in

2011-12-28T09:04:00.001-07:00

Brews: Chris, Maddie (5), Toby (3), Anastasia

Last week, I was in a low-energy, funky, dull spell. There was no incident or particular sorrow that seemed to be the cause to my lethargy. So when Kathy, our youth director told me that the Winter High School retreat curriculum was small group based and that she really needed me to be there for my students, I was almost ready to say no and to hide behind my need to stay home with my two kids. Chris quickly volunteered to stay at home since his small group has a co-leader who would be going. So I more or less had no choice but to go.

And God met me. Several of the retreat sessions included solitude, so I got to go on retreat along with my students. It was wonderful to unplug for two days.

You have searched, Lord and you know me.
You know when I sit when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.
...
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

As I meditated on Psalm 139, it was one of those rare clear moments when I didn't struggle with doubt whether I was hearing God's voice or simply just my head talking to me. God ordained that I would be at this retreat, so that I could hear his simple message of love...for me. He hemmed me in to coming to this retreat, and he is faithful to search me, and to respond to my prayers with peace as he takes my cares unto himself.

The answer to my funk was prayer. To get my eyes off myself, and to gaze on my God who is faithful, loves extravagantly, and is in control. As weeks, even years, roll by, it is so easy for me to rely on myself, rather than to recognize my brokenness and neediness and to rely on God. But let me tell you, parenting a very strong-willed child is extremely humbling (and frustrating) and brings me to this place of neediness. So too does my marriage, as Chris and I sometimes over-commit and end up too tired to really connect with each other. And the troubles and pain of my friends here in City Heights sometimes can overwhelm. Now that I have regained a healthy perspective, these worries no longer are crushing, and I have more grace for my testy, yet adorable, kids, my imperfect, yet devoted, hubby, and my oppressed, yet hopeful, inner city friends.

My hope is that 2012 brings more interruptions into my activity for reflection and prayer. May God interrupt you with his goodness this new year too! Chris and I are thankful that you read our updates and partner with us in our ministry.

I also have to give a shout out for the book 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp ... I read it earlier this year and loved the prose and the message about the power of gratitude.

2011 Ministry Update

2011-12-21T11:34:00.003-07:00

Thank God for a good woman who speaks the truth. “People enjoy stories,” said my wife, and I agree, they engage the heart behind your prayer and financial support. So, I resolve heading into the new year to provide more regular updates that read more like the nuanced and textured narratives worthy of the “incarnational ministry (in the flesh ministry)” we are privileged to do.

HOWEVER, because I want all of you who support us prayerfully and financially to see both the forest and the trees, I think an end of year ministry update is a good time to reflect on the forest, to step back and get a brief look at how your investment of prayer, encouragement, and finances are cultivating an increasingly dense canopy of trees.

This last spring our team from Harbor Church made a strategic decision to enfold our youth development ministry into the mission of UrbanLife. I thought this was one organization merging its youth ministry “department” with another to do, hopefully, to do more robust ministry in our neighborhood. I/we now understand that God may be up to something much bigger.

Setting false humility aside, praise be to our missionary God, it seems we are in the beginning stages of a movement in which God may be birthing multiple missional (google it) worshipping communities populated by mostly unreached students from under-resourced communities.

Beginning with students largely from the two large high schools on the west (Hoover) and east (Crawford) sides of the City Heights neighborhood where we have lived and ministered for the last five years, each missional community will gather students together for prayer, teaching, and sacraments to fuel their development and empowerment together as a people of God called to live out the whole gospel in their schools and neighborhoods. As they grow up together, some will choose to participate in the ongoing youth and community development mission of UrbanLife into their adult years, others following God’s lead wherever it may take them.

More on this soaring rhetoric to follow in future updates, for now, let me end with simply walking you through a typical school-in-session ministry week over the past few months to provide a more concrete picture of the forest.

Monday-
• UrbanLife Outreach to students mainly from Crawford High School. 40 to 70 students eat together, play together, and hear a short talk each week about the person and work of Jesus.
• Young Life Outreach at Hoover High (where I coach) to 30 to 50 students do the same as above.

Tuesday-
• LittleLife Outreach to elementary school kids. 15-30 kids. This ministry is run by college and high school students who wanted to provide a weekly place to love kids they met through our summer camps.

Anastasia's high school small group

Wednesday-
• Middle School Outreach to 30-50 students from the feeder school to Crawford.
• IOB (Inward, Outward and Beyond!)Discipleship Night. 30-50 students from both Monday outreaches who desire to receive more in depth teaching and to spend time with an adult volunteer in a small group come here. I lead a group of 8-12 guys (7 of whom we have been mentoring for the last four years).

Thursday-
• CollegeLife Fellowship. I coordinate this small group night for 30-40 college students (similar to high school night in format), most of which serve throughout the week in UrbanLIfe ministries.

Sunday-
• Worship Service to fuel and inspire our mission throughout the week. We have 10-15 students from Hoover who have enfolded into this gathering of 30-40 college/ high school students. Next fall we hope to form two separate worshipping communities, in which I will help coordinate a team that launches a new Hoover ministry site.

Add to all of this; small groups, one on ones, coaching, mentoring, and you get a good picture of a typical week at UrbanLife. I also add that these various ministries are currently and aggressively moving away from staff dependency, towards being totally directed and implemented by college and high school students. We are in the business of developing and empowering leaders indigenous to the neighborhood that will, Lord willing, carry on the mission of UrbanLife towards a more relevant and sustainable ministry future.

Thanks so much! I invite you to prayerfully consider an above and beyond year-end gift. My family has been so blessed by your prayerful financial support. Thanks to your gifts I have the time and availability to help guide along the great works the Lord is doing and also to continue coaching track and cross country for the last five years at Hoover.

Because our personal support needs are nearly met in full, I would like to invite you to make an above and beyond year-end gift towards our new worshipping community (City Heights West) coming next fall, which includes all of our current weekly discipleship and outreach efforts.

Please make checks payable to UrbanLife, and write “City Heights West” in the memo line. Checks can be mailed to UrbanLife Minstries, 5202 Orange Ave, San Diego, CA 92115. Or you can download this Contribution Form to set up an automatic draft from your credit card. If you already gift by credit card and would like to make an additional donation send me an email and I will set it up for you.

May the Lord bless your generosity with the gift of himself!

Kindergarten

2011-12-16T11:29:00.000-07:00

I've wanted to share about Madeline's new school for quite some time. (Yes, she has chosen to go by her full name at school-which I love.)

First Day of Kindergarten

I was so anxious about her transition to not only big kid, all day, 5 days a week school, but also her transition to an urban school that looks a lot different than the schools in which I grew up. All City Heights schools are low-performing when it comes to test scores. They are all Title I, which means students are low-income and lunch (and breakfast) is available to all the students. But they are not all "bad schools".

In today's fiercely competitive society and global economy, this decision to send my kids to a local, less than top-notch school was really difficult despite all my idealism about education being more than test scores. I am, by nature, competitive. I am, as a parent, deeply concerned about my kids' welfare. I am, as a Christian, committed to trying to follow Christ's unique call on our family's life. And there's the rub.

Bussing (or, in today's school budget disaster, driving) my kids to schools north of I-8, where scores are high and my blondies wouldn't be ethnic minorities, simply wasn't an option for our lifestyle. We are committed to participating in the coming of the Kingdom of God here in our neighborhood, and to send our kids out would be to divert a lot of energy to other beautiful communities, but not our own. Time is too scarce already.

Thankfully, just down the road from us is a little school called Oak Park Music Conservatory. It used to have magnet funding and it used to draw kids from other parts of the city, but it lost its special funding, bussing, and 2 out of 4 music teachers over the summer. Doh! Add to my heartache of this past summer. However, with a committed, veteran teaching staff, and a neighborhood of established immigrant families from all over the globe, this learning community has quickly replaced my anxiety with gratitude and hope.

First academic award with classmates

Madeline likes her teacher, has made friends, has received awards, had two performance opportunities (one at December Nights at the Organ Pavillion) and is learning so much, so fast. I am astonished. Kindergarten ain't no joke - she is reading and independently writing. In fact, in one of her less charming moments she posted a note on her door that read, "No Mama, No Dada, No Toby, No Nobude jus frens." It was hard not to praise her mean, phonetically correct, words.

Pumpkin Patch Celebration - what veggies float?

I volunteer in the classroom every Monday morning and sometimes get choked up at the privilege of knowing the 23 other sweethearts in her class, helping them read or simply cleaning up after them. I'm so glad that my heart is invested in not only my kids' education, but in their community of peers, too. It is very satisfying. And I'm so glad that we listened to years of cultivating a theology of the Kingdom - which is unnerving in its upside-down nature, rather than our human nature when making this decision. Our heads lead us, but my heart has totally caught up.

*The fine print: We reserve the right to completely change our minds at any point, should either kid need a different learning environment. And middle school will have a different set of considerations and may lead to different decisions about where to educate our kids.

In Memory

2011-09-29T10:11:00.014-07:00

It is with sorrow that I post this reflection on my Dad's life. He passed on Saturday surrounded by family.

I always smile at how my dad called the ministry of presence nose picking time, where loved ones simply bear witness. Our family was blessed with a lot of high quality nose picking time together over the years as we grew up, at our sporting events, which he never missed, on Saturday afternoon trips to Arby's for their 5 for 5 deal, or at home watching Star Trek and 60 minutes on Sundays. My memory holds on to these mundane family rhythms more than momentous stories/occassions, and they bring me feelings of fondness, security and comfort.

This summer, nose pickin time together took on new meaning and import. I feel like my dad was a man who shared his values more through deed than word. That's why it was so poignant when he told us how important it was to him that we show up during his illness. Looking back at how he parented, now that I'm an adult, it's clear that he consistently "showed up" for us. My dad was devoted to his kids and our development. His booming voice, which is an understatement, shouting "Go Anastasia" at track meets is a big part of what I remember about running. He always was there at every competition, banquet, and milestone. He drove me to school everyday in the opposite direction of his commute in order to have time with me, during those awkward teenage years. When I got married young, he was so supportive and welcoming to Chris. He was at the hospital within hours of the birth of both of our kids, despite living far across the country. You know how much he and Ellen traveled to see us and be present to their kids and grandkids.

And over the years, he continued to grow as a human. He bounced back from an unexpected mid-life career shift and a difficult divorce by becoming more outward in his show of love for his kids and opening his heart to the love of his life Ellen. Their marriage made him an even better man. Watching their affection always touched me deeply. It is so good to see your dad happy and in love. I'm so glad this last chapter of his life was graced by marriage to a woman who is capable of such devotion and care. In my last visit with him earlier this month, on a sleepy morning, he saw me and whispered "Show up. Show up." I felt affirmed that my gesture of sitting with him was embraced as my best effort to show up for him, after a lifetime of him showing up for us. He was affirming and sweet to the end. He treated everyone from his mechanic to his nursing assistants as important people, not as a means to an end.

I recently realized just how much his example of freely giving generously and treating all people with dignity has influenced my life calling to work in an urban poor community and to treat everyone as image bearers who are fearfully and wonderfully made. I love knowing that his life example has molded me. I love seeing the evidence of God's grace in Dad's life, in that Dad allowed his wounded heart to open and be vulnerable during his mid-life suffering and God moved to bring him peace, through Ellen and through a mental shift that grew a new contentment in him, one that really valued people and the little joys of life. The last time I said goodbye to him, I prayed a blessing over him, to which he nodded in agreement, then I said, "I don't like saying goodbye, Dad." To which he responded, "I like you."

My dad was happy. He was well loved and loved well. I miss him very much already. And I'm looking forward to Ellen's visit in late October to continue their legacy of showing up for family milestones ... for when Toby turns 3.

May we all be encouraged by his life to be present, to show up, to both our loved ones and those we encounter throughout our day ... through the good and the bad that life brings. In this, his legacy will continue.

To honor him, please consider donating to or joining the National Bone Marrow Registry. Visit www.bethematch.org for more information.

2 Cor 1:3-5

³ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ⁵ For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.

"Firsts" with City Heights Runners

2011-09-13T14:06:00.003-07:00

There are so many reasons I love working with students from under-resourced neighborhoods. One central reason is that my work provides countless opportunities to experience “firsts” with students, which are generally received with child-like joy, excitement, and gratitude.

Anastasia and I took 13 students from Hoover High (where I coach distance running) as part of the new City Heights Runners running club on a running/ hiking road trip with stops in Flagstaff AZ, Colorado Springs and Golden CO, and Zion National Park UT. With no money in the bank for this, and no way to take tax deductible donations, the good Lord made a way for this Colorado trip to happen, and the long overdue vision of City Heights Runners to begin. UrbanLife (the new nonprofit I work for) stepped in to run the accounting and tax free donation collection, donors have provided a little over $2,100 dollars in the last month, and friends and family have stepped in providing many other resources, such as places to stay on our trip, shoes, gas cards, food, etc.

More than half of the students had never been outside of Los Angeles and San Diego County, and had never seen snow or been to the mountains. That all changed the day we went up to 12,000ft on a hike in the Rockies, seeing deer and mountain streams along the way, arriving at a little patch of snow at the top, where students took turns in pairs sliding down the hill on a rain parka, slowing one another down by attempting to grab onto one another, ending with a tangled mess of bodies at the end of the snow patch. We all got a good dose of high altitude laughter.

One other trip highlight was an opportunity for our students, through a connection with my aspiring professional distance runner friend Marco in Flagstaff AZ, to hear from Stephanie Rothstein (currently the #6 female marathoner in the nation) who shared her amazing story of overcoming the death of her father to cancer, personal illnesses, and stress fractures, on her way to her recent standing as a legitimate Olympic hopeful.

It has been amazing to see, after a week of long, high altitude runs and hikes, the mental shift that has taken place in athletes, many have said something so the effect, “If I can hurt that long, for so many days, and still have fun, what can’t I do?”

City Heights Runners will serve as an onramp to leadership and character development through distance running, as well as provide wrap around support (academic, travel/ camp, college assistance) for distance runners I coach at Hoover. In the months ahead I am hoping and working toward extending these supports and opportunities to middle school students in our community, where currently, besides club teams, there are no inter-scholastic sports offered at all.

You can donate to City Heights Runners by making a check out to UrbanLife and putting “City Heights Runners,” in the memo line. Our donation info is in the side margin of the blog.

Beyond Fear: Zion

2011-09-09T16:11:00.008-07:00

There is really no way to re-cap this summer and do it any justice. It was just so full. I shared with you how it began with a difficult visit with my dad due to the progression of a bone marrow disorder. This journey with my dad through chemo, and now a severe brain bleed, has shaped me in new ways. The complicated nature of his medical needs frustrate my desire for easy answers and some sense of what may come next. But there are some things we can be certain of . . .

On the eve of the last day of our high school Cross Country Running road trip, I was driving across Moab when my stepmom called and shared, for the first time, that she feared that Dad was slipping away. He was still in neuro ICU, and so I knew he was very vulnerable. I gently told her that I understood and that I would touch base again tomorrow. I received this news in a car full of teenagers I hardly knew, so I had little time to reflect. The next morning I had my first time to think and be alone, as all the girls slept on the 5:30am drive into Zion National Park. I cried most of the way. It felt good.

Once in the park, we set out on our last workout of the trip: a steep hike up to Angel's Landing. We wound up the switchbacks and arrived at the last portion of the hike invigorated by the red rock beauty (and ample oxygen after training at altitude in CO and AZ for the past week.) The final ascent is along the wall of a red rock formation that looms over the canyon. The only way up is to scramble, holding on to the chains for support. Many of the students balked. "No way. I can't do this." Unfortunately, some of them had read the cautionary sign that 6 people have died on this hike due to falls. Coach Brewster encouraged them and modeled for them how to climb. It was such a privilege to watch the athletes gradually transition from more or less scooting up the rock, to hiking, even bounding, upright to the summit.

At the top, it was blustery, accentuating our accomplishment. We all sat quietly - yes, quiet teenagers. Then Chris gave a short talk on overcoming fears and trust. All of us resonated personally. Most of the athletes had just spent their first week out of SD County ever, so they were confronting homesickness, fear of the unfamiliar, fear of physical fatigue, and this morning a real tangible fear of heights. And yet, they trusted Coach, they trusted the chain railing, and they trusted their bodies. And arriving at the summit pointed to what lies beyond our fears: the beauty of Zion. The poignancy of this experience as metaphor was powerful and ridiculously clear for me. I can be certain that ... beyond our fear is the sure rock of a new heavenly city called Zion that emboldens us to live in freedom here and to place our hope in an eternal home in the hereafter.

On our way back down, Chris and I lagged behind the team and quietly prayed for my dad. May he find Comfort even in his powerlessness, may he trust Ellen and his doctors, may he push through feelings of fear, knowing that regardless of outcome, goodness and beauty await. The prayer was for Dad, but for all of my family, too. I was so proud of those kids for pushing through. I love being part of these moments, markers on their story of learning in a deeper way what they are capable of. I also have been so proud of my dad through his ordeal this summer. With a brain injury he is disoriented and confused, but he continues to treat all the medical staff with such courtesy, and he is brave. I know how much he values people "showing up" and bearing witness, and I believe God has responded and shown up even moreso in these trying days when Dad struggles to communicate.

Thank you for praying, friends. There are so many small graces and amazing timing that I attribute to your intercession. For instance, I was with my Dad for the 8 days straight before the morning of his brain injury. And they were good days. Today, he was transferred from the hospital where he has been for just over a month to a long-term rehab hospital. He is still very vulnerable. We wait and we walk with him // Our summer roommate was great with our kids and had the summer of his life really pouring into his work here and experiencing a spiritual awakening. We miss him. // And many students responded to the Gospel at camps. Their small group leaders are already following up and planning for the new semester to build on the fruit of camp. // And this week, Maddie started Kinder at a local elementary and loves it.

Life is so very full. My heart is bursting. New pathways are being created. And I'm more and more aware of my need for help.

Psalm 121

The LORD the Keeper of Israel.

A Song of Ascents.

¹ I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
² My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.
³ He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
⁴ Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade on your right hand.
⁶ The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
⁷ The LORD will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
⁸ The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.

More VBS shots

2011-07-28T10:41:00.007-07:00

New Heights Project 2011 In Full Swing

2011-07-27T15:06:00.004-07:00

The 4th New Heights Project, our summer internship for college and high school students, has been underway since June 15th. What began in summer 2008 with training sessions and ministry preparation in my living room with a smaller team of college and high school students, is now a team comprised of 11 College Interns and 20 High School Interns primarily from the City Heights community in San Diego. Now under the UrbanLife banner, Kathy and I have the awesome opportunity to expand upon the last few years of work and experience, as we leverage some awesome new relationships and resources from our new UrbanLife ministry family.

This internship seeks to combine both Christian and non-Christian (including one Muslim student this summer!) on to one intern team. The purpose of the internship is to;
1) Discover the person and mission of Jesus as students reflect upon him together in seminars, and to live in his mission, discovering more of his person as they live into his healing and loving presence in the neighborhood.
2) Provide (for most) a first summer job experience. Students must go through an application and interview process in which they receive instantaneous feedback for future interviews. I have given reference for many students over the years on their way to their first real job (after the internship).
3) Empower students as they design and run camps in our community for children. In this, we hope every summer we are giving away more and more leadership opportunity/ responsibility to students. Hoping, years from now, that our community is filled with young adults who have the confidence and necessary sense of purpose to propel them into initiating hundreds of projects, relationships, and ministries, of their own. Last year a college student, a part of our Vacation Bible School, responded to God’s call to help start Little Life, our months old outreach to children most weeks during the school year.

So far students have…
• Received over 20 hrs of instruction on the person and work of Jesus from a variety of teachers from our network.
• Designed and ran 5 simultaneous “Little Life Clubs” (our new name for our children ministries) throughout the community; in an elementary school, in a church, in apartment complexes.
• Designed and ran 3 Refugee Day Camp sessions on Saturday’s in July for 35+ refugee students from a local elementary school.
• Are currently in the middle of a Summer Vacation Bible School, that they designed and are running, for almost 200 children.

Some highlights so far…

• Two sisters on my cross country team were doing some personal bible study/ discussion together after a couple of weeks with us….the older sister said to the younger, “So where are you at with Jesus?” Both agreed that they were ready to make a commitment, and prayed together to welcome him into their lives. They, along with another girl from the team that became a Christian last summer, have recruited two others from the team to go to our high school camp coming up in August.
• Two students from Neighborhood Ministries in Phoenix, who were in the high school group I led 4.5 years ago have joined us this summer as college interns. One claims in language I won’t use here… that God is really messing with his mind. Years of stories about Jesus, volunteer leaders who loved him, and “giving back” as a volunteer himself, over his 15+ years at Neighborhood Ministries, are finally making some serious sense. Praise God for enlightenment I guess, and for the magic of leaving the familiar and comfortable in order to get another look at Jesus and the story he is writing in your life, from a different angle.
• Harbor North County purchased 59 backpacks and stocked them with school supplies for 35 refugee students and their siblings at our Refugee Day Camp.
• Refugee Day Camp was totally run by college and high school students with some minor staff oversight this year. I think we have built a ministry model that allows are students own the camp from start to finish, and easily transfer skills new students next year. I literally stood around with nothing to do except watch, and jump in on rare occasions when things weren’t working out. This is empowerment…this camp can and will be totally run by students next year!

Still to come! Big Urban High School Camp

As we wrap up Vacation Bible School, the next day we are heading up to Big Bear, CA for Big Urban Camp. I will be leading the work crew comprised of college students, who will be doing all the behind the scenes stuff that makes camp happen. We are taking 80 teens from our community up to camp to hear about God’s love for them, for many, the very first time.

A glimpse of Refugee Tutoring Camp

2011-07-14T14:03:00.004-07:00

The New Heights interns are in full swing of morning trainings, afternoon Little Life VBS at apartment complexes, character-based after-school program at local schools, and Saturday English enrichment camp for refugee students at a partner elementary school. All to warm up those camp counselor muscles for the big push of Little Life day camp, and Big Urban junior high and high school camps in Big Bear.

Refugee Tutoring Camp runs for three consecutive Saturdays at the end of the school year, and the first Saturday was a success. The model is simple. Invite a local teacher to develop a simple lesson and unleash the creativity of local college students and high schoolers to implement. The elementary aged refugee students (most of whom were resettled here in the last 12 to 24 months) absolutely love the extra attention and fun. We get to bless the team of volunteers who tutor weekly throughout the year by investing in their students and hopefully strengthen the emerging relationships. Many will end up at our LittleLife VBS day camp once school gets out.

Refugee Tutoring Camp runs for three consecutive Saturdays at the end of the school year, and the first Saturday was a success. The model is simple. Invite a local teacher to develop a simple lesson and unleash the creativity of local college students and high schoolers to implement. The elementary aged refugee students (most of whom were resettled here in the last 12 to 24 months) absolutely love the extra attention and fun. We get to bless the team of volunteers who tutor weekly throughout the year by investing in their students and hopefully strengthen the emerging relationships. Many will end up at our LittleLife VBS day camp once school gets out.

This summer, I'm mostly parenting, investing in (and relishing) my soon-to-be-Kindergardener, who will be going to our local magnet school. We restored a salvaged old bench yesterday - it was Maddie and my first big project together, and she stayed focused for almost the entirety of Toby's two hour nap, our window of freedom to paint without it becoming body war paint. I was so proud of her. The bench now proudly resides next to her bookcase, where it has become the reading bench. But that's an aside, my point was that I don't get to participate much in the internship, so perhaps I'll ask a few interns to share a reflection to post here.

Balsamea Becomes UrbanLife Pt. 2: “God Vs. The Voice of Duty”

2011-07-14T13:25:00.007-07:00

As I have stated in Part 1 of this series…

‘It is amazing how God's work in the world has a paradoxical quality of being both ‘not about you,’… yet also, ‘meeting you personally,’ touching on the personal intricate and intimate details of your person and story.’

On this post I want to reflect a little on how God met/is meeting me personally through the post-merger work I have begun with UrbanLife this summer.

During the merge, I realized that while I was simply trying to be a good team player in taking on an Executive Director (ED) role as we were in the process of forming our own nonprofit, underneath the surface, there was a quiet dread….one easily stifled or minimized by the Voice of Duty, or perhaps the voice of an Enemy that said, “Chris, you are simply afraid because you are entering into a role where you will be stretched, don’t run away from a challenge, bite into this, do this!”

The “this” being all those things that I imagined hating to do as an ED, fundraising and managing the “business side of things,” being two of these things. Granted, I enjoy aspects of fundraising and organizational management, but in small doses. Anyhow, I thought that I was just being a selfish little boy who needed to step out of my naïve little ministry play world, to join the grown up world and do grown up things. Being stretched is a good thing, right? Sure, as long as you don’t get pulled apart in different directions, or contorted into the shape of someone you are not.

For sake of blog brevity (which isn’t really possible with me), a role that would fit better is one that allows me to do plenty of “on the ground” ministry activities (e.g., one-on-one’s with students, coaching cross country and track, developing a college ministry), without being pulled too hard in another, necessary, direction (e.g., golfing with donors in La Jolla, pouring over cash flow statements). I had said over and over, "I can do this ED thing, I think I might get pretty good at some of it, but it might kill me.” It might pull me so hard in two directions, managing an organization and being actively engaged on the ground level of ministry, that I might break.

Now there are some who can live in this tension without getting pulled apart, and that is a rare gift. However, it is fraught with risks; burnout, over-extension, workaholism, messiah complex, to name a few. Knowing myself and my limitations, I refuse to live in the tension of the pull on both sides to the point that my wife and children grow up resenting me, and I check out of ministry in three years. So “yes” to the voice of God, who calls you into your true vocation, and a resounding, “no,” to the Voice of Duty who shames you for not performing the functions of someone you are not.

So, if being an ED wasn’t really me, and I was dutifully stepping into that role, how would a God who is mindful of me personally, move me into a role that would fit better with who I am, resulting in a more sustainable and fruitful ministry path ahead? By providing a co-laborer in my friend Jake who has all and more of the “on the ground,” experience and “know how” I need to respect his leadership, while at the same time possessing a love for the “business side of things.” A man, who realizes he is walking a delicate balance, living in the tensions mentioned above, but with an extraordinary amount of giftedness and energy to avoid some of the pitfalls.

At our first board meeting, as he ran the show with enthusiasm, I knew, as I sat there with space for my contemplative mind to roam, that this was the right situation for me. Right, albeit humbling and hard, having to relinquish some power and esteem, in order to make some space for the Lord’s leading into a vocational identity more congruent with the person He knew I was going to be.

Coming soon! An update on some amazing summer ministry going on...as I write this post.

Speak City Heights

2011-07-09T09:25:00.003-07:00

For local readers, you should add this new blog to your Google Reader: Speak City Heights follows local news. Stay informed.

Blessedness

2011-07-09T08:50:00.005-07:00

It is so good to see my husband happy. The man is thriving. He has more kids showing up to 7am summer cross country practice than fit in his van (anyone have one they want to donate??) He has worked himself out of a job running the New Heights internship, because our Youth Director is doing such a good job and the college-aged interns are excelling and responsible. He is hosting a party next week to send two of his recent Hoover grads, both refugees, on to college, one to Moorehouse on a full ride, the other to a local junior college which is a great fit for him academically and athletically.

He gets to go on Adventure Camps and hike all day with young people leaning into who God has created them to be. Students who are overcoming the hand they were dealt. Students who hope against the odds because they believe deeply that God is on their side and has a purpose for their lives. And he gets to walk with them all summer as they uncover their callings through giving back and serving their community. He even had to turn away a lot of students this year due to increased interest and a growing flock, and his team got to give those students who were turned away steps to take to be ready to interview next summer.

And behind all the positive, promotional brochure gloss, is the hard work of loving inconsistent, complicated young people. Explaining to athletes that quitting over text is not acceptable, forcing them to have in person communication and modeling adult behavior to a largely fatherless group. Finding resources beyond the classroom for ELL students that struggle to pass the high school exit exam, despite high grades - and receiving ecstatic texts and calls that they passed! And having unexpected long emotional talks with teenagers who might need to quit to find work to support their family due to a parent's deportation (this is a recurring conversation, each year, for different students, not an isolated tragedy.)

And yet, Chris has found meaning and satisfaction throughout the 4 years even when numbers were low on the team or youth group. He had to show up and go above and beyond as a coach for years even when he couldn't manage to field a scoring team due to academic ineligibility and culture clash where families expect teenage girls to babysit and cook for their families. And now entering his 5th year of coaching, he is confronting the problem that his incentive trip to Colorado (hosted by the gracious Aunt Jody!) to get kids to put in miles this summer really worked and he's not sure how he'll get them all to the Rockies due to transportation costs.

He's walking in the narrow space of who God created him to be. It's a scandal, his blessedness is a result of unashamedly pursuing work that he loves. But, I think, the scandal is turned on its head by the other-oriented nature of his work. His blessing is the result of blessing others.

Nose Picking Time: Toward bearing witness to our neighbors

2011-07-09T08:47:00.001-07:00

[I originally sent this as an email, but really belongs here on the blog.]

Today feels like the real launch of our summer ministry season. Chris is at morning cross country practice and then heads into the Summer Intern Orientation with our eager and promising group of college interns, some from church, some from UrbanLife, some from Neighborhood Ministries, some from other Phoenix area churches, and I'm not sure where else. It is awesome to see the team that God is building to do his work this summer in City Heights. One of them, a student from Neighborhood who held baby baby Maddie the whole time Chris and I unpacked after our move to SD, is asleep in our guest room. It feels good to see the continuity of friendship and partnership.

And Chris and I both feel raw and vulnerable. We returned last night from a week at my dad's home in Boston. It was a scheduled family vacation, but due to rapid progression of his MDS bone marrow disorder, it turned out to be a somber, meaningful, difficult visit to my surprisingly frail and uncomfortable dad. In fact, he was hospitalized the last two days of our visit due to an infection. There was evidence of God's grace all over the trip from the ordained timing of a vacation scheduled months ago, to my brother's fun uncle antics to occupy our 2 and 4 year olds, to a break in my dad's painful hiccups during an emotional family conversation, to our kids' apparent understanding of the situation evidenced by unusual patience and flexibility. I feel like each day, God showed us how to enter into the situation and ease my anxiety. My dad calls the ministry of presence nose picking time, where loved ones simply bear witness to the suffering.

And so, this summer, please pray for our family and our internship team. Our desire is to bear witness to the families we serve and to their suffering. And we pray that God infuses all the work, whether it be nose picking time on long car rides (eg to Zion this Saturday) or in intentional team building activities or in the work of preparing and running summer camps, with the Holy Spirit's power and grace. This last week showed me how powerless we are, and yet, if we enter into the powerlessness by showing up, God grants his grace to get us through and transforms sterile, scary hospital rooms into warm, bonded, humble altars of hope and love.

I hope to recount stories of how Jesus shows up this summer and how he empowers our team to show up. Please pray with us for my dad Richard and his wife Ellen:

Wisdom of Dana Farber medical team
My dad to regain strength
More nose picking time with loved ones
Ellen to find balance of care and work responsibilities, and to find rest somehow

And for our team:

Safety (lots of long car rides)
Grafting out of town interns into the team quickly
Spiritual aha moments that lead to heart transformation of interns
Spiritual protection of leaders and interns
Fortitude for Chris as this is a demanding season coupled with the grief over the progression of my dad's MDS
Wisdom in how to balance being present to my dad and Ellen, as well as to 2 summer intern housemates, life here, and ministry opportunities

Many of you prayed us through this past week, so now I ask you to pray us through this summer. We are so grateful for your support and friendship.

Balsamea becomes UrbanLife Pt. 1

2011-05-24T07:50:00.013-07:00

It is amazing how God's work in the world has a paradoxical quality of being both "not about you," as God does generative work in cities, communities, cultures, beyond the tiny scope of your individual wants-needs-desires, yet also, "meeting you personally," touching on the personal intricate and intimate details of your person and story.

Is is through both frames of this paradox that I would like to tell the story of how Balsamea, the name of the nonprofit we were starting that was going to build on ministry Anastasia and I have been apart of under the Harbor Mid City name for the past 4 years, has recently merged with UrbanLife. On this post I will speculate on what God might be doing beyond me in our community through this merger.

For a little context here... UrbanLife began as an outreach to high school students from our community (now about 60 students), with the hopes of inviting students into a family environment where leadership development and mentoring relationships could be accessed. There is heavy student involvement in all the planning and execution of its programs and activities. This group of students grew up and began to ask for a worshiping community of their own. So, a church was planted by the ED (an ordained Pres. USA minister), comprised of 30-40 students of whom 75% had become Christians within the past two to three years. Also, a middle school (30-40 students) and college (30 students) outreach was added, a very recently an outreach to elementary students, and a ministry to teen moms.

The pastor I work with, Stephen, had been in relationship with the Executive Director of UrbanLife, Jake, for the past couple of years. In fact, Jake and family rented a house a couple over and their families became good friends. I knew Jake through our own friendship formed as we partnered together last summer, as our high school students worked together with their college/ high school students to pull off a large camp for kids in the neighborhood. For the last two years Jake has graciously allowed our church to use the facility for multiple ministries throughout the week.

With this merger, I am amazed at how God seems to be making strategic moves to bring his people (the church) into alignment with his broader Kingdom/ Shalom purposes in City Heights,in a way that seems to be mindful of my individual wants-needs-desires. Again, even if God's work is not about me, it seems to graciously include me."What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" (Psalm 8:4)

Balsamea was going to be an organizational tool to help the Harbor church network work towards the well being of City Heights through a variety of means that would address some of the holistic needs of the community. Toward this end, we wanted to empower the community residents to step into, or be developed into, key leadership roles in all initiatives, as we simultaneously mobilized resources and volunteers from outside the community.

Empowering residents to own and shape a vision is really difficult, in fact almost impossible, to pull off if you don't start with the end in mind. More specifically, if we (those in the church who are not indigenous to the neighborhood, who offer our networks of affluence/expertise to the community) don't start with residents at the table with us, thinking and acting together toward the strategic vision of the organization. And instead, choose to start out with a primarily "outside-in" approach,with decisions made and activities directed primarily by board members, staff, and volunteers from outside the community. It extremely unlikely we would find ourselves at the end, real community development,that requires (in my mind) a slow power transfer back to the community over time. Without this power transfer, our efforts would likely be ridden with patronizing half measures and tokenism.

While we were making some good structural provisions in our strategical road map to create space for community input and leadership,and we had some concrete steps in mind to try to enlist more involvement and ownership from residents, largely who attend our church, this perhaps did not go far enough. Yes, we were starting with the end somewhere in mind, just not in the forefront of our minds, driving every step along the way. The reasons, the conscious ones at least,could be the subject of many other posts. To lay aside the blame game here, I will say that I personally, was very complicit in this dynamic. We were headed for a scenario in which we were going to produce a strategic vision that was only tweaked by the input of residents, rather than shaped with them.

I don't think you are doing anything close to community development if you don't start with a deep sense that the leaders required to execute initiatives that make distressed neighborhoods a better place to live, are somewhere right under your nose, residents of the community you have come to rescue. Some, already "developed," (equipped, informed, connected to people and resources)enough to begin, once the groundwork of genuine loving and interdependent relationship has been established, the work of community development.

To be brief after a wordy post, I believe our ministry partners at UrbanLife, soon to be my ministry family, represent those leaders right under our noses. As I spend more and more time with high school and college students from UrbanLife, I am astounded by their collective mixture of high capacities infused with a grace oriented and deeply relational way of relating and being. Lord willing, we will move together towards a new beginning of the Kingdom work ahead.

More to come...

Easter 2011

2011-05-09T14:30:00.004-07:00

Post-trek Reflection

2011-05-03T09:50:00.003-07:00

The Chair of SDCLT is a retired minister who runs Jubilee Economics Ministries, which is dedicated to promoting one earth sustainable lifestyles. After a recent CLT meeting, I mentioned that I had just finished a 28-day Mennonite guide into "living not with less, but with enough for everyone". To which he asked, if you have a personal reflection, I'd love to post it on the JEM website. Well, here is my post for your reading pleasure.

I find it so useful, though difficult to find the time, to write down reflections after going through an experience or book. Helps me remember and mark out a milestone on my journey.

Hug-aholic

2011-04-07T16:57:00.004-07:00

So, I'm fasting from FB, so I have more time to blog! he, he, he. (Sigh.)

Last night was too cute not to post. I was getting Maddie ready for bed and she was in one of her super-affectionate moods. She just was gushing about how much she loves me and how she just wanted to hug. (I'll take it!) So when it got time to go to sleep, she says to me, "Mom, I'm like a wind-up toy that hugs," indicating that she just couldn't help herself and wasn't ready for sleep. If that wasn't enough cuteness, a few minutes later, she creeps out of her room to her dad, where she laments, "Daddy, how am I supposed to sleep when I have all this hugging to do?" Too much. No discipline for such cleverly and sweetly messaged disobedience. I really love that girl.

Confused Carnivore

2011-03-23T07:40:00.005-07:00

So Toby has a pretty active 2-year-old imagination. Yesterday as I was planting tomato seedlings he was romping around throwing soil clods. I thought he'd like to plant some seeds, but he mostly just played with and rolled in the dark dirt.

We had potted three plants and I was finishing up the last one with my back to him. When I turned around this is what I found.

No seedling to be found, until I noticed:
But the true culprit was lurking on the patio without remorse:

The poor kid is so enthralled with meat-eating animals that last night he couldn't sleep because he was worried about whether the killer whale in our Antarctic Antics book would bite him. The third time I went in to him my 2 and 1/2 year old said, "Mama, pray for me." I asked him, "What for?" He responded, "For the animals." May his love and fascination for the Creation be met with comfort and peace as he knows that God holds together this scary world. His two-year-old concerns about predators are totally legitimate and will prepare him for a world of tsunamis and war. How do we function in the face of such insecurity? Even in suffering, God is working out his plan of redemption and so we can step forward, one step at a time, living by faith, not in the seen, but in the unseen.

Critical juncture

2010-12-10T13:11:00.005-07:00

My weeks are full of lots of projects, all non-profit, all exciting, all challenging. Raising a family is definitely not-for-profit - I love this gig - and I love continually growing into my different momma hats such as Nourishment Manager, School Choice Researcher, Heart Discipler, and Independence Promoter. I have a lot of friends to learn with and to be encouraged by in these areas.

But thankfully, I get to be involved in my community through several initiatives and my kids only get to tag along sometimes. Another cause for thanks: both of my kids LOVE meetings more than I do (as long as there are other kids there, too.) I'll highlight two of my projects that are entering a critical juncture as we approach 2011:

City Heights Prep (a high quality college prep charter school for ELL kids in our neighborhood)
SD Community Land Trust (forever affordable homes through stewardship of land)

City Heights Prep has applied with SDUSD and should earn its charter approval in early 2011 - so that means I'll be pounding pavement recruiting our first class of learners this Spring. I haven't been involved in education since my Upward Bound tutoring days at Pomona and I had forgotten the amazing power of education. This little school intends to be an incubating home to tomorrow's leaders where students from families largely without formal education will go on to earn degrees and, eventually, change the world. No joke. Consider the power of learning to love to learn, learning what you are good at so that you can pursue that area passionately, learning how to navigate higher education, learning that although there isn't one book on your parents' bookshelves, there are thousands out there to discover and cherish. Ex.Cite.Ing.

SD Community Land Trust is another start-up, where we plan to provide another rung on the ladder of housing tenure. SDCLT will sell homes to first time homebuyers at a discount and in return the homebuyer agrees to a price restriction at resale to maintain the home's affordability. If you'd like to learn more, visit our website or listen to our first podcast interview with me and my colleague Richard Lawrence, a long-time housing and civil rights advocate.

Both of these projects are daunting. Both are on the precipice of a new chapter in their ability to serve their target audience. I am but a tiny part of how they have come to be established, and I will have a small part in whether they are successful. It is in the gap of certainty that we realize our need for prayer. PLEASE pray for these two works. 1.) For the stamina/encouragement of Marnie Nair, CH Prep's founding principal, and for favor with the School Board; and 2.) For the powers and principalities at City Hall to support the establishment of a CLT in SD with a donation of city-owned land or other form of municipal support.

GRATEFUL.

HOPEFUL.

Introducing Balsamea Pt. 1

2010-10-25T14:33:00.006-07:00

Balsamea is currently the community development arm of Harbor Church Mid-City, one of nine Harbor Presbyterian Church sites throughout San Diego County. We are now in the process of forming a separate non-profit organization that will both continue and expand upon three years of community development in City Heights under the Harbor Church Mid-City name.

Balsamea Mission:
"Balsamea pursues the well-being of neighbors and neighborhoods by fostering resident empowerment, loving relationships, and neighborhood solidarity, through the grace of Jesus Christ."

Balsamea Community Center from Jon Speyers on Vimeo.

First, much thanks to Michael Jarmamillo and Sandi Adam (Harbor Carmel Valley site) for their work on "brand identity," and our logo. Thanks to Jon Speyers,a free lance film guy from our Harbor Mid City church family. All talented people who gave of their talents and time and treasure (time is money) to help move Balsamea forward.

One of the major reasons Anastasia and I were attracted to this new opportunity almost 4 years ago within the Harbor church planting movement, was that it represented a network of highly skilled and professional people across San Diego County, many of whom, had bought into Harbor's commitment to bring "good news to the poor."

We understood that not everyone is called to a live of embedded relationships among the poor, but that the Church is called to be "about the poor," collectively leveraging their resources,talents, skills, influence,etc. to pursue the overall well being of our poor neighbors (people) and their neighborhoods (people interconnected with place). The work above is one of many countless ways God seems to be "leveraging" the resources, talents, skills, and influence, of the Harbor network, to come along side the poor in City Heights, to enhance the well being of our neighbors and their neighborhood.

In later posts, I want to get much more specific with regards to answering the questions, "What will Balsamea be doing?," "Why?," and "How?."

New Heights Project 2010

2010-08-06T21:26:00.001-07:00

Jesus's Practice of Evangelism Pt. 2

2010-08-02T23:00:00.003-07:00

Matthew 12:48-49
48He replied to him, "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" 49Pointing to his disciples, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers.

A new family. Just like Jesus' family thought he was out of his mind...so will the families of these teens who have responded to him in faith after experiencing His reality for the last month. Their parents will not be able to relate to what they have experienced and responded to. Such is the reality of the disciple who leaves everything behind to follow the One who simply said follow me... without flashing credentials.

Summer Day Camp

2010-08-02T13:07:00.006-07:00

It just keeps growing! 75+ the first year, 115+ the next, and now this year 175+ campers! Numerical growth alone does not indicate success, so let me provide other "success" indicators of this years camp.

1) Normally a 98% Hispanic population attends the camp. Our Refugee Tutoring Camp the week before brought 25+ refugee children to the camp. We have had limited success in breaking into this population, and now we are praying on how to continue to love some families/ children with whom we have really bonded.
2) This camp had some staff coordination/ support, but this camp was almost entirely planned and implemented by college students and teenagers. They ran recreation, they were counselors, they performed skits, they led songs...
3) A handful of teens responded to a challenge to form long-term mentoring relationships with children from camp.
4) The children in my van sang the camp songs on the way home every day. As incredible worship spilled over from the general sessions, most of even the "try very hard to be cool" kids found themselves doing hand motions with songs.
5) We were able to do this on the cheap! A short-term missions team from Alabama purchased all of our craft supplies, as well as led activities. They also purchased all of our food and snacks, as well as served them. Urban Life (I will talk more about them later) provided a free building, and many materials. A church from North County purchased all of our shirts, other materials, and helped to train us in how to run an effective VBS.
6) We had about 40 parents and 120 children show up for a post-camp Celebration Dinner. Our Spanish speaking congregation prepared and served an excellent meal.
7) We had 14+ high school/college students from the neighborhood, and staff, and 1 staff member, from Urban Life (a like-minded ministry)jump in with us as counselors and coordinators for the week. This is a truly amazing partnership in the making.
8) More on this later...we had two non-Christian teen counselors become Christians and get baptized this past Sunday. These were last minute, take a risk and invite to intern, athletes from Hoover. One I coach on the cross country team, another is on the wrestling team, where another staff member coaches.

OK...could keep going. Amazing Camp = Amazing God who really loves this community.

San Diego Refugee Tutoring- Day Camp

2010-07-28T11:06:00.014-07:00

Psalm 107
1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
2 Let the redeemed of the LORD say this—
those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,
3 those he gathered from the lands,
from east and west, from north and south. [a]
4 Some wandered in desert wastelands,
finding no way to a city where they could settle.
5 They were hungry and thirsty,
and their lives ebbed away.
6 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
7 He led them by a straight way
to a city where they could settle.
8 Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing
love and his wonderful deeds for men,
9 for he satisfies the thirsty
and fills the hungry with good things.

One of the reasons my wife and I chose to move to the City Heights community in San Diego, was a response to Ray Bakke's prophetic reminder/ announcement to the church that God is bringing the nations of the world to cities. Especially for churches in North America, "Missions are no longer just across oceans and in jungles, but across the street..." The church can reach the world, by equipping itself to think and act like missionaries, in their own back yard! Some of the world's most oppressed, most wounded, most vulnerable, have been rescued, and sent to our country needing great care.

San Diego Refugee Tutoring, a work that I initially helped to spur on, that grew out of a small group from our church, allowed our summer team to help support their work during the school year, with a three-day camp. The camp focused on building their English language learning through: hands-on lessons, crafts, a field trip to the Children's Museum, and recreation. Many of the students were from the local elementary school where the tutoring time meets regularly, so the principal of the school gave us use of the school facility for free.

The countries of Burundi, Somalia, Burma, Thailand, Congo, Iraq, and probably one or two I am not thinking of, were represented within a group of just 30+ students! Two of the students arrived from Baghdad just two months ago, and two from Burma (Myanmar) arrived a few weeks ago. We were amazed to find that children who had been here just 9 months were functioning as translators for parents, their peers, and the counselors (our high school NHP interns).

Our summer interns, used to cultural and linguistic complexities of growing up in a community where 30+ languages are spoken, dived right in! On two days (one day another Harbor site took them to the Children Museum downtown) we had an educator design a lesson to help build language skills, that was group-oriented and tactile. After that, our team planned the rest of the day, filled with crafts and recreation.

I was really amazed by the energy, sensitivity, and patience the team had with the students. They bonded very quickly through simply playing with them and joining them in the activities. Some of the teachers that normally work with these students were amazed at how well our young people led this very complex group through one transition to the next.

One day after the camp, a church from Alabama, graciously purchased 50 backpacks filled with school supplies. We invited the 35 children who came to camp, along with their families, to the park for food and fun. We had a backpack for every child who came to camp, what to do with the left overs? There were other children, friends and family, who tagged along, but we didn't have enough left over for every one on them, right? We counted the remaining children strewn about the park playing games, or standing with wanting looks on their faces staring at us, 15 exactly! We had one backpack for every kid, exactly.

Right now, 15 of these kids are attending our Summer VBS, please pray that God will tie them into ongoing relationships with teens and adults, who will come along side them as they try to make it in this strange land.

New Heights Internship: Remembering Jesus' Practice of Evangelism Pt. 1

2010-07-20T09:55:00.008-07:00

(Mark 3:7-15) Jesus withdrew with his disciples to the lake, and a large crowd from Galilee followed. When they heard all he was doing, many people came to him from Judea, Jerusalem, Idumea, and the regions across the Jordan and around Tyre and Sidon. Because of the crowd he told his disciples to have a small boat ready for him, to keep the people from crowding him. For he had healed many, so that those with diseases were pushing forward to touch him. Whenever the evil spirits saw him, they fell down before him and cried out, "You are the Son of God." But he gave them strict orders not to tell who he was. Jesus went up on a mountainside and called to him those he wanted, and they came to him. He appointed twelve—designating them apostles that they might be with him and that he might send them out to preach and to have authority to drive out demons.

We said at the beginning of the internship, that we hope to enter into a script, a juxtaposition of gospel narratives and ministry practice throughout the summer, in which Jesus is the central actor. For Christians, this script is a True Story (thanks James Choung.) For seekers, I acknowledged that it is difficult to believe that this script is more than a brilliantly written script work of fiction, that like all good ones, has much to teach us about ourselves, about life. I asked everyone to enter into the summer with their imagination. For all to risk becoming like many great actors do when immersed in their role within a compelling script, lost in the role, to become the role.

What is their role this summer? I think for Christians and non-Christians alike, it is to follow Jesus, to learn about him as he teaches, as he serves, as he heals, as he confronts evil. To follow him as one of the crowd, wondering if he might perform some miracle to make their life better. Watching him closely, as a peculiar and mysterious figure who seems to press into stirrings and longings in the heart that one does not have words for. Listening to his words, and allowing them to question our assumptions about life, meaning, purpose.

One of our speakers at one of our evening sessions pointed out that Jesus had many disciples, and that he chose 12 to be apostles. He was making a point among others that discipleship, and invitation to follow, to study, to watch, to listen, was extended to a "large crowd" of followers, and not only for an elite inner circle. Jesus wanted to change the world through ordinary people who were captured by an in breaking Kingdom at work through him.

It is interesting in the text above that no one knows exactly who Jesus is. When the demons, at this point, try to shout out his true identity, Jesus silences them! Jesus does not want his followers to trip over orthodoxy (right believe), at first. He simply wants them to follow,to first experience the reality of an in breaking Kingdom through his words and deeds, through just "being with them." He even empowers a select group, his apostles, to become conduits of this in breaking Kingdom, to heal, to proclaim a reality they barely understand! As they don't know who Jesus is yet either!

The point is, I think the best way to introduce non Christians to Jesus, is to allow the church (the Body of Christ)to demonstrate who Jesus is in word and deed, while inviting non Christians to follow along side them. Along the Way, non Christians take on the role of a disciple, as they find themselves "doing ministry," as conduits of the Kingdom, before their orthodoxy catches up with their practice. Jesus is caught through actively following, and right beliefs will be taught along the way.

This week at Refugee Camp (more to come on this) I am watching teens who have not identified themselves as Christians catch him, as they connect his words on true neighbor love, in their commitment to love a difficult kid. To know his story of being raised in a refugee camp, never having been to school, having experienced horrors expressed in an inability to trust, or to sit still. To catch him in gratitude, as the One, who has gifted them with an opportunity to become more the person they wish they could be.

Watch your language!

2010-07-13T16:24:00.015-07:00

The first week+ of the New Heights internship is complete, and I must say, I am overwhelmed by God's goodness.

This week, we are striving to "watch our language." No not F words, words like, "worship," and phrases like "get in the word."

Of the 11 high school interns about 4 of them are exploring who Jesus is for the first time (some have had limited exposure as children). This changes everything! Every word that comes out of my mouth I am asking, "Does this word mean anything to them?" Which, as I am talking, trying to keep things "simple," I am forced to ask myself, "Does this mean anything to me?" Even those in the group who identify themselves as Christians, don't have lots of church in their background, so there Christian vocabulary is limited.

This is wonderful! Why? I am pretty convinced that more often than not us Christians fall back on language that often does not flow out of an experiential base (How does this show up in my life?) or praxis (How have I put these truths into action?), to inform the words that glibly leave our lips. And, because of this, we often fall back on words/ phrases that describe the Christian life, "stand in" words (to be fair this is how language works much of the time) for the complex realities of the Christian life. Because we the think that we know a word or a phrase that points to a complex reality,we often fail to recognize that we have taken merely a shallow dive into the deep waters of the complexity itself. Amazingly, as we try to "watch our language," rather than just a way of keeping things simple for the ignorant among us, we are forced to find simple and straightforward words for what we say we believe. This also helps us dig into the narratives of our life or the world around us, and as we dig,we sometimes uncover language that is more simple and straight forward to better explain what we say we believe.

Pray with us, that the language our college interns, guest speakers/ teachers, and staff, use over the course of the next few weeks will reflect a deep dive into the complex realities of the Christian life. And, as we surface we will find phrases and words that cut straight to the heart in their pointed simplicity.

My Ballerina

2010-06-25T13:54:00.004-07:00

Cuteness defined. Little twirling and curtsying bodies in poofy tutus.

New Heights Summer Internship

2010-06-11T07:42:00.007-07:00

In its third year, the summer internship formerly known as Urban Project has been renamed! Shocking. After deciding we could no longer continue to co-opt Inter Varsity's name for their college student city plunge, we decided on New Heights. The partnership still exists though, and we are excited to see what 3-4 college students will come to function as the "middle management" between the 11 high school interns, and the grueling demands of Harbor staff.

"New Heights!" Yeah, there is some cheese factor to the name, we really do believe this internship takes teens/ college students to "new heights" in many areas of Life. The "be all you can be" achievement angle aside, we do hope to foster a vision that the City Heights community the teens live in, will be "made new," "taken to new heights," (or at least receive sneak preview previews of the coming attraction) through their participation in the work of Jesus to renew the world, starting now.

We want to emphasize the hard reality that under resourced communities suffer when those who "make it," move on with their lives, geographically or not, in search of the American Dream; house, job, kids, dog. All good things. But, when pursued in isolation of a sense of being a community stake holder, of pursuing the common good of your neighborhood for the next generation,become a collection of narcissistic wants that fragment communities.

How? Why? I offer one gross oversimplification of one reason among many... INDIVIDUALISM, breathed in from the cultural air around us. I go to school, so I can get a good job, so I can live-work-play in a community that I thought I always wanted to live in.

We think Jesus wants, the best I can discern his heart and mind at least, to offer a challenge to some of our interns about "losing [their] life to find it." In the sense of losing what they thought would give them life (see above), so that they can find Life at work suffering along side those they hoped to distance themselves from. We want the cycle of "making it up and out," to stop with some, as they listen to a call to STAY in their neighborhood. To use their unique gifts and talents to make streets safer, to create jobs, to mentor children,to raise families that are a safe haven for neighborhood kid sleepovers, etc.

Fearless abandon

2010-05-18T21:01:00.000-07:00

SATURDAY

2010-04-18T13:25:00.006-07:00

After a really long week, we started off our weekend right with pancakes and Neiman Ranch (happy pig) bacon! Mmmmmm. Then Chris headed off to track practice and the kids and I met up with Marnie at the grand opening of the Sudanese American Youth Center (kind of like the Lost Boys Center in Phx). My friend Wai, who I know through the BHC initiative, is the new program director and we wanted to show our support for this new organization and to introduce Marnie as we continue to outreach to potential champions who will spread the word about CH Prep.

I love grassroots efforts: The SAY Center is hard to find, it's actually a back house on an alley, and probably no more than 500 square feet. But the building and patio were packed with people, a bounty of food, and loud Sudanese music (to which Toby immediately started raucously dancing upon our arrival - to the amusement of all.) From the crowd, it was clear the Sudanese community and their supporters were excited about this new space.

When we introduced the idea of a college prep charter school to Wai, he immediately said, "That's exactly what this community needs. I can help you meet people that would love to tell you what they would like to see in a school." You gotta love that empowered perspective.

Toby, our "easy" child, fell asleep in the stroller, transferred to the car and then the crib without so much as a whimper, and Maddie, our stubborn socialite, only agreed to leave when I told her we could visit again.

After naps, we loaded up the car and drove up to Solana Beach for a short walk (due to high tide) and some park time, followed by an amazing artichoke pizza at Pizza Port. Our family relaxes by getting out, spending time in fresh air, and being together. I know I haven't so much mentioned Chris this whole blogging week, but that's because in the blur of a jam packed week, we manage to be involved in a lot of similar, yet separate, activity. He should blog soon to give you a taste of his ministry life.

Some of our best date nights these days consist of long talks on our couch in a quiet house. We had one of those last night. Very grateful for my man - we are well-paired.

FRIDAY

2010-04-18T09:35:00.003-07:00

Friday mornings, I along with two other moms watch about 7 toddlers while their big brothers and sisters attend preschool. We formed this co-op so that those of us with little ones could still participate in the preschool program and be able to be teacher assistants once a week without having to make separate arrangements for the babies. It has worked out really well. Toby gets to play for a few hours 3 times a week in a nurturing environment and I'm not running all over the place to arrange for his childcare.

I also hosted my third and last house meeting for this round. We had a surprisingly great turnout, with teens from both Crawford and Hoover High. The Crawford teens participated this past summer in the IRC's Crawford Garden internship, where my friend Rachel volunteered. She was able to re-connect with them and brought about 5 student gardeners. Kathy, our youth group leader, who makes Hoover High her second home also brought a bunch on IOB and Young Life students. I reported back to the teens what they and 1500 other City Heights residents most pressing concerns were and then we brainstormed how a Community Center could be used to address improving health in City Heights.

My mentees provided childcare all week long for these meetings. And on the way home, we had some good car talk that turned into a long discussion over frapuccinos (I know real healthy!) These two sisters have grown up so much since we met 3 years ago. W is now a sophomore and M is a freshman. I'm so glad I met them in junior high and have the relationship that allows us to talk about their struggles that are so much bigger than they were just a few years ago. So after brainstorming with other teens about how important it would be for the community center to be staffed by "funny" people with "positive attitudes", I got to be fun and positive with two teens as we considered healthy and humble ways they could re-enter a really tense situation at home. As we sat in the car outside their apartment, we prayed the peace of Christ over their house and hearts. That is my prayer - for His peace to enter our homes, families, streets - a costly peace - a powerful peace.

THURSDAY

2010-04-16T13:05:00.005-07:00

Remember Where's Waldo? Well, this photo is the new game: Where's Michelle?

Yesterday, on my very street, I joined an invitation-only crowd to hear First Lady Michelle Obama speak on why her national campaign Let's Move! is so crucial to the future of our children. It was a celebration, of sorts, convening many of the people involved in creating a healthier community, city and state in a setting that speaks volumes about the need and desire for healthy food and lifestyles: New Roots Community Farm, an urban garden started by the IRC to provide dirt for mostly newly arrived immigrants and refugees to grow healthful, cultural foods. (Like I said in my last post, I received my invitation because I am a House Leader with the Building Healthy Communities Initiative, which is going to spend $1 billion dollars in 14 California communities, including City Heights) over the next 10 years.

Michelle was completely personable, hopeful, inspiring. She shared a shocking statistic that children born today will not live as long as their parents do due to unhealthy habits formed in childhood. As I've been learning over the last year as I hesitantly and slowly learn more about food (because knowledge is costly - it requires me to make lifestyle changes, too), food is related to all aspects of society, a society that has become increasingly distant from, and ignorant of, food sources. And the activity levels of children is related to a lot more factors than just length of recess: safety of neighborhood, # of hours parents work, length of school commutes, safety of commute (e.g. something like only 5% school children ride their bike to school compared to 65% 2 generations ago.)

All this to say, any attempt to address health without addressing PLACE is lacking. How can children be healthy even if they get all their shots and have routine physicals if they can't play outside due to safety concerns or because they spend 3 hours on a roundtrip bus to get to a better school because the local school is under-performing or there isn't an affordable market with fresh produce within walking distance? Those are the problems the BHC initiative wants to address, and that is why I'm hosting 3 house meetings this week.

"If you live in City Heights I can tell you that you will probably live 12 to 14 years
a shorter lifespan than someone from La Jolla."
- CA Endowment President Robert Ross

My second house meeting last night was with neighbors. My street is lame-o in the neighborliness department - but that is changing! A little initiative, er, a good amount of initiative without expectation of reciprocal invitations has gone a long way over the last 3 years and I had my best turn out to date for a neighbor's get together. I was so pleased. We mostly discussed the asset neighborly connections are, and I re-iterated how I'd love to bring their concerns and solutions back to our Resident Momentum Team as we progress on a 10-year community plan for building a healthy community. Wish I had a picture, it was such a sweet group - a class of '48 Hoover grad, a widow that has lived in her home for 43 years, several refugee families that came to SD in the late 70s and have gone on to become small business owners and college grads - it's definitely an older demographic on this street.

[It's because of Chris, Laura, and my mentees that I get to have days like this. Thanks for taking such good care of my/our kids!]

WEDNESDAY

2010-04-16T08:09:00.004-07:00

I got inspired the wrong week to blog - or maybe it is the right week. But it's a busy week. Already fell behind on my goal of daily posts. Doh.

So, Wednesday, I work in Teacher Laurie's preschool class as a teacher's assistant. All the parents assist one or two days a week. Maddie loves when it's my work day. She does absolutely wonderful in the class ... when I'm not there. I am her safe person. She's always been a Momma's girl. And she often blows her top when I'm around. I swear I don't give in to her tantrums but she tantrums nonetheless. This week, a stolen marble was enough for her to throw one across the room in anger, which I witnessed and therefore had to discipline. She spent a good 20 minutes calming down in her carseat in the van, because she just couldn't pull it together. Ugh. But thank God for carseats. The booster seat can't contain her, but the 5-point harness of a carseat is an appreciated jail cell for gathering composure.

On the way to school.

Post-tantrum.

Storytime.

Venerable Teacher Laurie.

During class I received a call from Mid-City CAN, and due to this time-out I had the opportunity to listen to the voicemail which was cryptic but intriguing enough that I immediately called them back. As a House Leader for the Building Healthy Communities Initiative (BHC), I had been invited to a reception with First Lady Michelle Obama! If it hadn't been for that time-out I may have not listened to my voicemail and missed the very narrow window for RSVPing (this is one of many security precautions they took.) More on this in my next post . . . .

Later that day, I hosted a BHC house meeting for about 7 Spanish speakers in some friends' home in order to report back on our the research from 1550 surveys we conducted with City Heights residents last fall. Although my Spanish is horrible, everyone was gracious and we had a good evening talking about why it is important to offer our opinions on how we should work for neighborhood change and a healthy community. We ate posole and talked about how we can improve safety at our schools and what sorts of programs they'd like to see at a community center. Familiar topics? Yes, that's because after synthesizing the results of 1550 surveys and a 73 page research report, the House Leaders identified school improvement and a community center as the two priority solutions for addressing place-based health outcomes in City Heights. Funny how Marnie came her in August just as we were conducting these surveys with a conceptual model for a charter school housed in a community center. Awesome how relevant a new Charter School and a new community center are to the imaginations and hopes of residents.

TUESDAY

2010-04-13T20:51:00.007-07:00

Chris and I used to pack our evenings full of social commitments in the pre-niñ os era, but not anymore, now it's the early mornings that are very full, especially weekday mornings. Tuesdays, I have met with a group of 4 other women for the past 18 months, very regularly at 7am. We are all raising young families, involved in our community in different ways, and generally needy for prayer and friendship. It is so great to have this weekly time together, without it we'd be banished to the realm of play date chatter that can never go deep because we're surrounded by screaming, thirsty, wet, hungry, really adorable kids.

Today, we discussed a book we've been reading called A Praying Life by Paul Miller. I've never really enjoyed a book on prayer until this one. I think it's his auto-biographical stories weaved into his teaching points that bring it home for me. This week's section was called Living in Your Father's Story. I feel re-aligned, like after a chiropractic visit, after reading these chapters. The Christian life really is all about hope, which means it also about being in situations that feel hopeless at times. Ultimately, we decide whether to resign ourselves to the situation, determine to change it ourselves, or decide to prayerfully posture ourselves in dependence on a God who is actually in control and who wants to use the things we want to pray away magically to refine our hearts. It is in the desert places that God often gets our attention and we experience intimacy with our Father. I don't really want to hear that most of the time. But this season of stepping into roles that are challenging both practically and relationally has given me a new acknowledgment that I need Him. And as we dream big dreams, we need Him. And as I try to parent and fail repeatedly to be consistent and fair, I need Him.

Here are some shots from Tuesday - a day that is mostly about being present with my kids:

MONDAY

2010-04-12T22:26:00.003-07:00

Mondays are a work day for me. In the morning, I get to work upstairs in a quiet room during our Preschool Co-op. Toby spends the morning with other toddlers in the Nursery, and Maddie gets to experience the fun of finger painting, dress up, and circle time in Teacher Laurie's Preschool class where, because it is a parent co-op/parent ed class, there is a 3:1 student to teacher ratio. It's very nurturing and the kids get to do more complicated crafts and games because so many parents are involved.

Eva, the mom of one of Chris's former athletes, watches our kids Monday afternoons at our home, so I can attend a weekly team meeting for the community center project and get some work done. At the end of the day, I love walking in the door to Toby's cry of, "Mommeeee!" He's at such a precious age, and yes, I know the storm of two-year-old-hood looms near, so I'm enjoying this stage all the more. He understands so much of what we say and is on the cusp of speaking English. He's verbal all day long, but unintelligibly so besides his trademark roar, a few words here and there and some really cute toddler sign language.

SUNDAY

2010-04-12T11:07:00.011-07:00

This idea of a week worth of blog posts is going to be harder to achieve than I thought. But here it goes . . .

Maddie loves church day. She has a sweet little group of pre-school friends and their families that have loved her since she was a baby - the continuity of these friendships is really comforting. Even though many families "choice out" of their neighborhood school, and these friends will probably all go to different schools based on different preferences/values, we have a sweet group for our family to grow up with. Sunday service invites the involvement of little people, and Maddie and Toby get down with the worship music with drums, shakers, and their own interpretive dancing - the chaotic scene never fails to make my heart fill with gladness at the simplicity of their joy. (I'm pitiful at remembering to take the camera out - maybe next Sunday.) Harbor Church - Mid-City continues to grow through friendship evangelism and by attracting a very eclectic group of folks interested in doing church within a multi-cultural community that is increasingly engaged in serving the broader community.

Yesterday afternoon, we hosted our first CH Prep Founding Group meeting. I'm working a few hours a week for the woman who is writing the charter petition and will be the Principal when the school (hopefully!) opens in Fall 2011. Most of the people that came to our initial meeting are from the Harbor Church network, many educators, as well as others with the professional expertise it will take to start a new school, like lawyers, business people, etc. We just finished a draft of our business plan which we presented to the group. People with fresh eyes added so much with their feedback - we're privileged to have the beginnings of an amazing group. I'm sure we'll post more about the school in the near future [CH Prep will target English Language Learners and provide remedial classes in English and Math in small classes (1:15) for grades 6-8; then in 9-12, students will take rigorous college prep classes, including the A-G requirements for admission to UC schools. CH Prep will provide a local (walkable) option for families that are interested in college prep level education.]

After a full day, Chris and I decided to take the kids out to Luigi's Pizzeria in Golden Hill, which is great because you can walk to a big park where the kids can climb on these monstrous trees. It was one of those idyllic San Diego days with a chilly, fresh breeze that makes you feel more alive. After, Chris and Maddie went to get a blockbuster movie. Chris offered to get Disney's new The Princess and the Frog, to which she replied, "No, Daddy. Mommy said I can't watch that until I'm older." Mind you, Madeline has argued repeated that she will not be scared to watch this movie, that, "Mom, I'm brave, and I won't be scared because I know God is always with me." Despite her growing ability to craft a winsome argument, I have held my ground on this one. It is bits of evidence like this that give me hope that my girl is going to grow up with a respect for authority with a backbone that can stand up to future social pressures. After a day full of tantrums and stubborn disobedience, choosing to listen to Momma's lectures over the allure of Princess Tiana was a HUGE encouragement to a sometimes beleaguered mom.

Coming Soon: A sneak peek into my week

2010-04-08T07:30:00.003-07:00

I have been wanting to post everyday for a week to give my faraway friends a glimpse into my life during this season of raising 2 babies, juggling community work, growing a church community, and loving the flexibility I have to do all of the above at the same time. A friend of mine and I were talking a while ago about how a mentor of hers told her that you can't be a "great" wife, a "great" parent, and a "great" professional. Something has to give. As I reflect on the last 4 years of parenthood, I agree that you can't be all those things all at the same time, but that some roles take the back seat in different seasons, maybe even in different weeks.

My satisfaction has come from juggling these different hats, personally choosing the privilege of primarily staying home, and having a partner who really supports me in continuing to pursue my varied interests even though it's not convenient for him. Part of my desire to blog about a whole week is to keep friends updated on our life here, which is constantly changing with new projects and new parenting experiences. But I also expect to finish the week with an extra dose of gratitude after reflecting on all the doors God has opened for me here, all the people that allow me to live into those callings, and all the cuteness that Maddie and Toby daily provide.

This particular post is my attempt to build in some accountability that I actually do it! So, stay tuned . . . .

San Diego Refugee Tutoring

2010-03-08T10:34:00.002-07:00

Part of my role in our church as Director of Community Mission, is to get butts out of the pews (or auditorium chairs in our case), to join in God’s transformative mission in our community. Outside of cultic manipulation that wins people to “the cause” at the expense of service that is genuine and authentic, I know of no more powerful means of nurturing people into their small niche within God’s mission than a small group of people who make shared commitments together to live into a shared sense of calling together. More specifically, the call to be “salt and light” in the world that should propel the group to use their gifts and common passions outside of itself, to serve the world around them.
While we began to envision what a group would look like that would both help encourage, support, and nurture their calling as educators in their individual contexts, a vision was put forth to offer their passions and skills as educators, to the struggling refugee families in our community. One of them felt like God was calling him to challenge his students from a more “sheltered” community, to broaden their life perspectives through working with refugee children their age, in our community. A couple others had several relationships with refugee families through teaching and living in the area, who they knew needed some serious help. Children who had never read a book, some who don’t know how to hold a pencil, some who had never been to school, raised by parents in the same situation. All of this, while trying to navigate the complexities of educational institutions and society at large.
After one of the teachers worked with her principal to use classrooms at her local elementary school, the program began. On Mondays, refugee children learn language skills and along side their parents. Parents also will get help with basic survival skills; reading mail, grocery shopping, etc.
One teacher recently reflected on the launch of this new ministry, confounded by over 40+ people who packed the classrooms.

Our opening night was beyond my expectations and was truly a remarkable experience. It is really amazing how God is using each of us as an integral part of his KINGDOM through this project. Each of you are such a vital part of making this happen and I wanted to thank you'all. My students had nothing but good experiences to share and it was mutually beneficial for everybody involved which is ideal. One of my students was telling me how she was teaching one of the Karen (people group from Burma) boys who knew little or no English and got to watch the giant smile on his face every time he learned and processed a new word. They didn't even mind missing the Chargers game.

We hope and pray that this will be the beginning of many “life on life” relationships with refugee families in the area, as our church body can come along side to help these children and families toward stability and wholeness.

We hope that you will keep our family, our community, and our church in your prayers! There is much, much, more to share and highlight. Stay tuned for more exciting good news! The bad news (which creates space for more good news), however, is that we are running a fundraising deficit of about 15% under what we need to pay the bills. Thankfully, for now, our church makes up the difference. but for a new church plant in which at least a third of its attendees are living close the poverty line, this is not sustainable.
--
We ask those who have graciously supported us over the last three years, to prayerfully consider increasing your monthly support, or to consider giving a one time end of year gift to help decrease our deficit. For those who have not been able, or have not considered financially supporting us, I ask you to prayerfully consider doing so. Thanks so much, God bless!

Birthdays in review

2009-11-09T12:03:00.003-07:00

Mr. Tobs Turns 1. Wasn't much interested in cake, but LOVED his new truck:

Miss Maddie turns 3, celebrating at what has become an annual dance party. Can you in her expression, "I am a bonafide princess, who takes her role as princess ballerina very, very seriously."

Mom's birthday included an afternoon at the beach followed by a sunset picnic:

Inward, Outward, and Beyond!!!

2009-09-25T12:38:00.014-07:00

Introducing Inward, Outward, and Beyond-yond-yond-yond-yond!!! (echo affect). Or, abbreviated, I.O.B, if we need a name that lends itself to teens pitching their new youth ministry to friends..."Yo you check out dat I.O.B...it tight!" Behind the name, I encourage anyone to read Inward Outward Journey by Elizabeth O'Conner. Primarily, to have your paradigm of spiritual formation radically challenged, but I suppose also, if you want to know where we ripped off this name.

After an amazing Summer Internship with teens/ young adults this summer, the question pressed into the minds of our ministry team was, "What now with these young people?" Our much beloved Christine Brinn had gone deep into relationship with a group of girls for the last two years (many of whom participated this summer). Upon transitioning out of her two year internship to Fuller Seminary a few weeks ago, nurturing and intentional as she is, with the help of my lovely wife, she set these teens up with mentors.

But, we all knew, especially after this dynamic summer, that part of being church, is being church together as a larger community. Jesus wants us to catch him INWARD within our own lives and hearts, and within our dynamic webs of relationships. But not to stop their, to find him OUTWARD as this large community encourages, envisions, energizes, and activates us, to discover him once again outside of our corporate life through piggy backing on his work in the world. And to find him BEYOND doing things "we couldn't ask for or imagine."

With the young people God had given us, we knew this meant extending out the experience of our summer into the school year in some sustainable way. Also personally, I knew that it was time to form a community that would allow me to invite students from Hoover, who I know through all my activities there, to find a safe place to explore faith in Jesus. Introducing Inward, Outward, and Beyond!!!!!!

Before we arrived here though...I surely didn't want to go back to being the guy who would "make it happen," as "the youth guy." That guy is someone I admire, someone I can slip into being, but someone who exhausts every introverted fiber of my body. In fact, I don't even think that guy or gal really exists, except among those willing to leg press the facade until it topples on them, like it does everyone else who plays that game. I knew that God had to assemble a team with someone to direct it who had more focused passion than myself.

Enter Kathy Pham! Notice her with the confident youthy peace sign on the right of the picture, with a look on her face like "Peace is so RAD!!! Its what you neeeeed!!! Kathy (tall girl with glasses, black shirt) was amazing as a summer intern this summer. She thought she was merely exploring a call into urban ministry, she ended up falling in love with teens and young adults in our community, and doing such a good job loving them, that our ministry team took notice and then began to petition the Lord to put her in a half nelson and drag her into our community.

Kathy is now raising support for a position as Director of Youth and Young Adults. Oh yes, I will shamelessly ask some of you not only to give to Anastasia and I, but to give to her as well, because she is the real deal. Kathy is from Westminster, the largest Vietnamese community outside of Vietnam in Orange County (an omen for her joining up with a Presbyterian church? I think so...theology nerds only please.) She has found that City Heights feels like home, with a Vietnamese business every 10 ft., yet she trips out like all of us, at how people are mish-mashed together into this strange diversity casserole called City Heights.

Kathy has a background in the corporate world, and therefore moves on everything so efficiently and intentionally, she makes me feel SLOOOOW. Somehow, she has figured out how to incarnate herself into cyber-space, and through the strange power of Facebook knows what teens are thinking before they think it themselves. Kidding aside, her entrepreneurial and gregarious nature make her uniquely fitted to direct our new youth ministry. Interestingly, she happens to have run a tutoring center, which we beforehand had said would be a vital aspect of a ministry intent on loving the whole person, rather than just" saving their soul." Coincidence? I think not.

Enter Adam Mclane. Adam, the white guy with glasses with the "Oh crap, am I really doing this" smirk, was one of those youth guys I was talking about who had the facade topple on him. He works for Youth Specialties as a resource to other burned out youth guys, and as their computer boy genius inventing an array of online tools to help resource youth pastors. He and his family happened to land in our church awhile ago, but if you mentioned doing ministry of some sort, he would bare his teeth like a wary dog, knowing that the kind hand of a stranger can end up with him back on the ministry leash. Thank God Adam is ready to go! He will play an incredible role in teaching, resourcing, and generally helping us to envision a youth ministry that doesn't fall into the same tired paradigms that lend themselves to hollow entertainment-based ministry, that fails to offer the costly but full and compelling invitation to follow Jesus in sacrificial ways.

Enter Erin. My first memory of Erin was of her bailing out of my house in the first days of our church plant, needing some breathing room from the suffocating worship and God-talk that spooked her and challenged her at the same time. Once our token skeptic, she is now living out her new-found faith by taking a risk to with work young people from a world very different from her own. Erin brings authenticity, someone well aware (as we all should be) that she is along the same journey with the young people she will work with. The value of an older person who is not settled and secure in their beliefs, is immense. Young people need to see examples of other seekers being used by God, even though they have not fully "arrived" at rock solid conviction.

Where am I in the picture? Fittingly, I was on my back in bed, after an awkward and humbling procedure which will make Maddie and Toby the only children I will father again (I think.) Isn't it beautiful! Our first youth night, and I, literally and symbolically am out of the picture!!! When I was grinding my teeth, timid about moving forward, because I thought that all of this would somehow fall on me, God said, "Yo Chris, I am going to put you on your back with some awkward soreness, just to let you know that ministry is not about any load you carry my friend." Thanks God, I needed that.

I invite you to pray for us, as we moved forward....

Urban Project Wrap-up

2009-08-18T12:30:00.007-07:00

To do the work of ministry, is to involve yourself in undertakings with others that do not lend themselves to; clear, concise, categorized, open and shut, evaluations of "Was this successful?" Believe it or not, you could get two "Christians" in a room to evaluate the same ministry experience, and wonder if both each has a different "Christ" in there "ian." But since, of course, I have a authentic and deeply rooted understanding of the the true "Christ" in my "ian," let me offer some success indicators from the summer.

1) 3 teens were baptized after the Urban Project. I am with those of who get freaked out about environments of religious social control (ever seen Jesus Camp?) that seem to play on the vulnerability, insecurity, and naivety, of young people, in order to indoctrinate them towards "conversion." That aside, I am amazed with how creating a safe, respectful, and sensitive environment for teens exploring faith in Jesus, in which they are told right up front, "We will be learning a lot about who Jesus is through our teaching times, and will connect all of that to what he is about in the world through our service and work in the community," created a catalytic-faith-nurturing atmosphere. I am more convinced than ever that when you put concrete stories and teachings from Jesus, along side experiences of servant leadership and compassion among "the least of these," you will surely encounter him. And, some did, for the very first time.

2) Many people from our church used their resources and gifts to make the Project happen. I am stuck on the idea from Eph. 4 that the PRIMARY role of the minister is to "equip the saints for works of service." I saw this play out NOT through organizing a seminar on "Doing ministry in the Urban Context," but by offering a small opportunity for them to use their gifts, whether they were "ready" or not. Learning by doing is the lost art of an Evangelical church who thinks that discipleship can happen by consuming information. I am truly amazed by the quality of the people in our church!

3) 4 College students won't ever be the same. I know that the four students who played such critical mentoring roles to teens in our group, are now different people. One student, (an ex- Mormon) says that he understands that the Christian faith must be expressed, according to Isaiah 58, both vertically (staying right with God) and horizontally (authentic love for neighbor that expresses itself in works of justice, compassion, and simple kindness) if one desires to truly follow Jesus. Another, who adopted a learning posture throughout the time, and was very relational with teens in the group reflected something like, "I think that ministry is more than just doing nice stuff for people you don't even know, or truly understand, I think is begins by learning to spend time with people first." For those of you who scoff out the lack of profundity of these" a-hah" moments, I ask you to consider how the world might be different if people truly lived into these realizations.

4) The handful of teens who did the Urban Project last year have really grown-up. Sure teens mature, become more "adult," and far less hormonal and quirky. But these teens are really growing up! Whether it be a girl who pursued mentors to receive prayer for the struggles in her life, hidden last year by shyness, isolation, and uncomfortable smiles. Or, one guy who last year was nervous, shy, and without voice, who every other day would engage with me, asking "So Chris, how are you?," or "Chris, tell me about when you started trusting God for the first time?"

5) "Throw away" teens were at the center of God's work in our community. One teen, who struggles through emotional and developmental challenges, was kicked out of his last volunteer position working with children for "being too wild with them." We had our teachable moments with him this year, but in the end, it was the children who were "wild about him,"seen often with children hanging on his back, and another under his extended "Lean on Me" arm.

Thanks all of you who contributed through prayers, giving, and service, to help make Urban Project happen. I am so excited to see how God uses the momentum of this summer to stir up greater transformational work to come.

PRAYER PLEASE!!
I ask you to pray for one pressing area of need. Would you pray that the hundreds of children and families we connected with this summer through the Kids Clubs, and Camp, would be moved by the Spirit of the Lord to connect with a community of faith that will journey with them into the wholeness of Jesus.

San Diego Urban Project 09 Video

2009-08-18T12:29:00.003-07:00

This video is a bit long, but watch a few minutes to see the kids we're serving with here!

A large block of free time

2009-08-16T08:14:00.005-07:00

Yesterday, I spent the day with my boyfriend of 16 years. To celebrate Chris' 32nd birthday, Christine and her family sent us away for the day, keeping our kids and treating us to some special indulgences (in our case, food!) We were gone for 10 hours - plenty of time to unwind, talk, read, sip wine, shop, eat, and catch a movie. I felt like we had a whole weekend vacation in one day.

We embarked on a Loop de San Diego County, driving up to Escondido to visit a well-reputed winery. It was our first wine tasting, and we both enjoyed it. Very unpretentious, and very yummy wine. Then, we sat on the grounds, me with my Bibble, Chris for a siesta. A pacific breeze seemed to have found its ways inland, and it was just a gorgeous day. We took a wine-making tour, and then we were off to the coast.

We visited the REI in Encinitas. Chris didn't find anything he liked that was on sale, but I did exchange a year old purse that had a busted zipper thanks to their 100% satisfaction guarantee. So I walked out with a new purse. Nice.

Over in Cardiff, we walked along the bluff overlooking sparkly aquamarine ocean. We got cold in the shade where were sitting, so we walked some more in the sun. Grabbed a coffee and read a little from "More with Less" a Mennonite cookbook, and then ironically went out to eat at a pricey, but really great Italian restaurant. They make their pasta in house (Cat, you would love it!) Finally, we couldn't decide whether to go home, go out for dessert or use movie passes. Chris absolutely wasn't up for my idea of going to see the Sea World night shows with our passes - he gets creeped out by their suspicious propaganda "Believe in Shamu" - their new show touts Shamu can save all and humans and orca are on a quest "to become one". So we went with our tradition of seeing a movie. Julie & Julia was cute, but boring.

We got home, the house was all in order, both kids in bed, and a plate of Bean's famous Snickerdoodles were waiting for us. Thanks, Brinn family for a wonderful day. We love 'Bean so much.

Plentiful Harvest...Plentiful Workers

2009-07-28T10:20:00.002-07:00

Camp Rodeo just started this morning. We have five organizations working together to pull this camp off! Harbor Church and World Impact are putting on the camp. (We merged our teams awhile back.) Our summer internship team; comprised mostly of 13 teens from the City Heights community, and four college students from Inter Varsity Christian Fellowship, ran four different Kids Clubs inside apartment courtyards in the community leading up to this camp. From these Clubs we signed up around 60 kids. We also ran a random ice cream outreach outside of an elementary school, where we met parents who signed 30 more kids up for this seemingly random summer camp. Add to that random invitees and children from our Childrens' Church at Harbor... we have over 110 kids at camp today!
Add to the list of organizations Indian Hills Camp who has sent a team of experienced staff down to help us run the camp; providing shirts, supplies, etc. Add to that Morristown Presbyterian Church from Pennsylvania, who sent a short term team of families who are providing lunch, and running crafts. You get a coloborrative mess that is hard to explain to people asking, whose camp is this?
The end result, I have time to ask for your prayers in the middle of camp, because we have all the help we need! And, enough children to keep the help busy! The best part of being on a winning team, is that it makes all the players look better than they really are (yes, the little boy that needs validation still cares about this, you do to if you are honest), with doing half the work they would need to do to "pull an extra load" often required in these large undertakings.
Sure, there are headaches, and confusion, and miscommunication. But, what a sweet picture of the Body of Christ as living organism.
We, Harbor Church, hope that we begin relationships with children and their families that will last through the years. Last year we formed new relationships with a small handful of children and families that have "stuck" throughout the year. We were not satisfied and are looking to follow up with more intention this year.
PRAY! That this would be the begining of many relationships with children and families for whom we hope Harbor, really is a harbor of love and safety from the raging waters of life. For teen counselors who are responsible for small groups of children through out the week. Pray that they will begin to see how; listening, smiling, playing, sharing, forgiving, transform the lives of children. Pray for unity and protection. Camps at public parks are risky in the sense that there are lots of places to wander off, and lots of random people passing through.

Stay tuned for more to come....

Climbing Mountains

2009-07-22T14:33:00.006-07:00

This past week, I traveled to a mountain resort town while my hubby ran an intern retreat for Urban Project (our summer youth leadership program). When I got home, he had stories of going deeper with some of the teens. Some confided in him due to desperation at home, others simply because they like and trust him. I always am proud of him for walking mountains with young people, one step at a time, often with nothing special to catch your attention day to day, but then, after time, they reach different peaks together where the view is altered and break through happen, by God's grace. It's such a privilege.

I had the literal opportunity to climb one of Colorado's 14ers this past Monday. I had never done anything like this before. Desert hiking is different than the cold and thin-air of above-the-treeline-hikes. It was awesome! 3.3 tough miles up, and 3.3. loooong miles down. Scott, Michael, Jody and I all made it, at our own paces to the top. There were chipmunk, mountain goat, and marmot sightings.

I highly recommend Colorado vacations, maybe not with 3 babies under the age 3, but even a bit sleep-prived, it was well worth it:

Maddie wading in 40 degree river water.

Lounging in our hotel room.

Lots of wildlife sitings. The goats didn't even take notice of us.

14,285' to the top. A bit sore the next day!

At the bottom of the hike (6.5 hours after we started!)

Urban Project 2009 (Week 1) "Grateful..."

2009-07-10T12:26:00.010-07:00

I don't know why, even after years of experience leading summer mission teams, I continue to be surprised that a divergent group of high school and college students gel together relationally so quickly and naturally.

One reason, I think, relational connection has happened, once again in such a way that the gift of relationship seems to precede the building of relationship, is due much in part to a deep sense of gratitude seeping out of almost everyone. This gratitude seems to be fertilizing the relational soil from which the first buds of community are already sprouting.

College students from Inter Varsity are grateful to be playing such a critical mentoring role to inner city teens, perhaps surprised to find them more open to giving and receiving love than they thought. Urban teens are glad to be selected as "leaders," playing a major role in running summer Kids Clubs and the upcoming Camp Rodeo.

Still more, they are simply grateful to be out of the house, and a part of something more meaningful that the psuedo relational worlds of texting, My Space, and Facebook. Worlds they spend hours inside seeking to feel desired and less alone, but in the end still empty, like all addicts after the fix continues to lose the potency it once had. Many are grateful also to be away from "the drama at home" which for more than I am comfortable with, is usually of the senseless and tragic variety, rather than drama of any epic or meaningful sort for which they long.

Personally, I have been in a place of scarcity lately, brought on by disappointment which is in one sense (I think) a form of "holy discontent," and, in another sense, feeling like I am not enough, as one who is prone to withdrawal and blame others for dynamics in which I am part of just the same. (Forgive me for generalities, sometimes they are necessary.)

Thankfully, gratitude is a such a contagious gift. I have "caught it," from teens who are responding to the gracious person of Jesus, grateful to be introducing himself, as one who will help them make sense of a life that is stale at best, plain shit at worst.

I have caught it from college students who wanted to get away from a summer "that would be just about me, making money, having fun," and found what they were looking for through service that serves them.

I am grateful for one teen in particular, who I have coached for the last couple of years at Hoover, who responded to my awkward invitation to be a part of this church thing, "where we won't shove Jesus down your throat." I am grateful that it seems Jesus is shoving himself down his throat, not like a big bad tasting pill, but like a cold glass of lemonade on a hot day in Phoenix.

I am grateful for those of you who pray for our community here, and those who have provided financially to make this happen. More next week....

Mentoring

2009-06-28T14:08:00.000-07:00

Last night over homemade vanilla frozen yogurt brownie sundaes, I reflected on the importance of mentoring with two dear friends. We've been mentoring a small group of teen girls for the last year from our church's "youth group". The evening provided me reminders of a few principles that I sometimes lose sight of in the doing:

Mentoring is significant: the consistent love of an adult, mirroring the perfect love of our Father, is a powerful antidote to many negative messages our girls have learned growing up. Day-to-day, one week to the next, it's not always immediately apparent that time with my girls is making any difference, but that's why it's so important to stop and reflect.
My doctor friend who mentors with me and Christine has scarce free time, but she said that her time mentoring has been utter gift this year. Drawing her closer to the heart of a God who is sufficient for her and her girls, she knows that she can't claim the successes this year. Instead, she has been able to watch how God multiplies her small gifts of time to the girls and ultimately, her faith has grown in an active, loving God who really is in control.
Some of our girls are "throw away kids" who are about to fall through the cracks of our overburdened school system, whose families are tragically unequipped to raise kids. Their mentors get to intercede for them with school administrators and with the God of the universe. Advocacy is an important part of loving these girls.
You can't do this alone. It was so good to share burdens with my friends last night and to encourage each other and to pray for our girls together.

Tonight we're hosting potential new mentors to share with them the opportunity to do life with a young person. I'm expectant that God will call enough adults to match all of our 12 girls with a mentor.

Poets in my midst

2009-06-22T22:14:00.004-07:00

A bunch of dear friends from church collaborated on this project:

Harbor Mid-City Worship CD.

It reflects our eclectic worship styles and some sweet songwriting that was dreamed, written, tweaked, and produced as a team seeking to listen to the Spirit. Check out the link for samples and an opportunity to buy the CD or a few songs.

A few milestones

2009-06-12T09:51:00.003-07:00

A quick post to update the East Coast grandparents who are visiting later this month. The boy is crawling and pulling up - his frustration is replaced with an ardent desire to explore all cables, ledges and blunt corners in the house. I am neither accustomed to, nor a fan of, finding him standing in his crib, waiting for us in the morning. The girl can count and tell you what sound all the letters make. She is still regularly found either naked or dressed in a tutu, or better yet half naked in a tutu. She can't wait for her birthday in August when she will get three balloons: one Tinkerbell, one Sponge Bob, and one blue one. But I know deep down she really can't wait to dress up the boy in a tutu.

Urban Project 2009

2009-06-01T13:52:00.002-07:00

Once again this July, we are partnering with World Impact and Inter Varsity Christian Fellowship to make the Urban Project happen in City Heights. This month-long service learning and leadership development initiative will bring local teenagers together with college students to co-labor to discover Jesus’ heart and mission in our community. The Summer Internship for high school students is a central feature of the Urban Project.

During the internship teens will:
• Receive leadership/discipleship teaching and training. For three weeks, teens will learn from a network of teachers who will take on an aspect of our Leadership Snapshots of Jesus theme. About a quarter of the teens are spiritually open, but have not identified themselves as followers of Christ. Pray!
• Do service projects throughout the community, serving local schools, parks, and non-profits.
• Form new relationships with children and families in the community through facilitating Bible Clubs in nearby apartment complexes where many of the kids who will attend Sports Camp live.
• Function as small group leaders for our week long Sports Camp at the end of the month. We expect to build on the 120 children we had at camp last year!

Evangelism- This year, the demand for the internship among high school students in our community has significantly increased! Having spent one more year at Hoover High School as a track and cross country coach, and as a Young Life volunteer, deeper relational inroads have been laid. This summer represents a next step to deepen many of these growing relationships with un-churched teens.

Discipleship- Christine and my wonderful wife have continued to invest in a small group of teen girls from our church community. The summer represents a natural extension of their discipleship journey.

In all we have almost 20 teens interested in applying for a pretty intense month-long summer internship. They will be joined by about 5 college students who will function as their mentors for the month.

A first real job- Every high school intern will receive a $200 stipend at the end of the month. This experience, which begins with a formal application process and an interview, will be the first real job many of these students have had. I have already served as job reference for teens, using last summer’s experience on their “resume” to find more long-term jobs.

In order to pay these students, we are asking you to consider sponsoring a high school student. You will receive a reflection and thank you letter at the end of the summer from the student you helped support during this life-changing month.

God bless you, love you, and keep you.

Urban Project 2009
Please consider sponsoring a student:
Full Sponsorship $200
Half Sponsorship $100
Quarter Sponsorship $ 50
Genuine thanks for your prayers and support!

Make checks payable to:
Harbor Presbyterian Church
964 Fifth Ave, Suite 535
San Diego, CA 92101
Memo: Mid-City Summer

Philosophy of Ministry: Salvation and Dualism

2009-05-26T07:37:00.003-07:00

Salvation and Dualism
As I continued to journey toward a biblical word view in my Senior Seminar, our exploration of the crippling effect of dualism on a truly biblical world view greatly impacted me. Understanding dualism and its negative affects, I began to put words to some vague feelings I had that much of the Christianity I saw lived out seemed to be escapist, irrelevant, complacent, and even complicit with regard to the injustice, pain, and oppression my eyes were beginning to see in the world.

Middleton and Walsh discuss the distorting affect of “dualism… [as] a split vision world view…separate[ing] reality into two fundamental distinct categories: holy and profane, sacred and secular.”
In other words, the God-stuff in life is often relegated only to spheres that we deem to be spiritual: Bible study, prayer, evangelism, church, souls, fellowship. And the profane and secular include most any “worldly” thing in creation that is not a personal, inward, non-material “spiritual” activity.

Thus, we are primarily concerned with saving the souls of people and developing their inner life, often in isolation of any vision for the well-being of civil society or the environment, in which they are deeply intertwined as social creatures that live in interdependence with functioning civil- and eco-systems.

Middleton and Walsh comment further,
Rather than seeing that the biblical vision of the future is a restoration of creation and of our creaturely life before the Lord, we seem to have substituted a dualistic eschatology which removes us from creation and places us in heaven. Our dualism leads to a world-flight mentality. It has closed our eyes to the biblical vision of heaven coming to us.

The last phrase, “[dualism] has closed our eyes to the biblical vision of heaven coming to us,” is what most radically challenged my understanding of what God is doing in the world, and how I fit into His work that culminates in a reuniting of earth and heaven, the dwelling place of the divine (Rev 21:1-4).

If God truly offers “vision of the future [that] is a restoration of creation,” then He must actually care about all those bad things “out there.” He must care about those very things that the church usually seeks to escape, or perhaps engages, but only by attempting to win over individuals “caught up in the world” through a reduced gospel message of escape into an ethereal and over-spiritualized “personal relationship with Jesus Christ.”

Middleton and Walsh ask, “What is salvation but the out working of God’s love for his creation as he restores it from the bondage and effects of sin?”

It was critical for me to understand that the scope of salvation involves “the whole creation itself,” in order to help me answer the related questions, “Where is God at work in the world, and what does he want to save/ heal/redeem/reconcile?”

Philosophy of Ministry: This-World World View

2009-05-15T07:56:00.003-07:00

I just finished a Philosophy of Ministry paper to complete by Masters (FINALLY) at Bakke Graduate University. I suppose this stuff is meant to be shared. I will cut and paste pieces of it over the next months. My approach to the paper was...

What follows is my attempt to construct a philosophy ministry that flows from a somewhat chronological narrative of my life. The narrative will interweave some of my transformational life experiences, influential life mentors, and ministry-shaping books. All through which, I will draw forth some theological conclusions and extract the foundational pieces of my philosophy of ministry.

Before, I talked about a class and a professor who changed my life by pointing the way towards a world view that, as best I can hope, is uniquely Christian. What follows is a book review set along side my life experiences at Azusa Pacific.

Transforming Vision

One of our primary texts for the class was Middleton and Walsh’s Transforming Vision: Shaping a Christian World View. Read at a timely moment, in which the Christian faith as I understood it at the time seemed to offer more guilt than inspiration, this book did more to broaden and challenge my understanding of the Christian faith, than anything I have ever read. The authors explore the nature of world views, offer a brief but comprehensive sketch of a biblical world view, and then ask “Why do we find such a gap between our way of life and the biblical worldview?” To this, they point out that Christians in the West are more shaped by a modern world view and its unbiblical understanding of the world, and we are often prone to the same idolatries rooted therein.

Passages like the one below put into words some vague feelings I had that “something isn’t right here,” when I took a hard look at much of the evangelicalism lived out around me.

Perhaps the greatest problem with the Christian cultural witness is that evangelicals are often at the forefront of those who try to preserve the status quo and the capitalistic way of life. Such Christians may be opposed to certain elements in modern culture (abortion, liberalized education and so on), but they still want to conserve all its central features, such as economic growth, technological superiority, militarism and free enterprise. Such a position is clearly schizophrenic. It attempts to uphold both the gospel of Christ and the cultural forms which exist in service of idols. This is a dead-end historically and theologically; these cultural forms cannot be sustained. A radically different cultural vision is required—one that is rooted in the biblical world view.

By this time in my life, through my friendships with African Americans who grew up in the ghettos of Los Angeles, I was beginning to confront a whole range of issues I didn’t hear Evangelical Christians talk very much about. I heard stories about their separate and unequal public schools, more war zone than a place to learn. I sat in their unaffordable apartments where the carpet was years old and the ceilings were stained from bathroom leaks that had never been properly fixed. I saw drugs and sex sold openly on the corners, needles on the sidewalks, and young children roaming around without supervision.

And then, I would bounce back over to the university and watch girls with hundred dollar purses worship with hands raised to a Jesus who seemed exclusively concerned with being their best friend, offering a wonderful plan for their life. I over-critically judged that this “wonderful plan for their life” was merely a Prosperity Gospel that failed to acknowledge, let alone engage, the hellish realities that my evangelical peers wanted so badly to avoid.

In the end, this book has made me acutely aware that any hope of the minister to proclaim and embody a faith for others that is truly grounded in, and inspired by, a biblical world view, depends much in part upon the grace of God leading the minister toward a critical examination of how their world view might be more shaped by “cultural forms in service of idols” than they would like to believe.

Lea Street

2009-05-11T09:21:00.005-07:00

Two years ago we moved to City Heights, to the Chollas Creek neighborhood. San Diego is a large city, made small by its very distinct neighborhoods. My particular neighborhood, built in the 1950s, is a really odd mix of different immigrant groups. We often idealize the mythical American mixing pot, but my neighborhood is a fascinating example of a lot of different types of people living right next door to each other without any neighborly interaction.

As I stroll or drive my neighborhood, it often feels really empty and foreign, even after living here more than 2 years. Some homes have little altars out front with fruit and burning incense, others are decorated with traditional Mexican wrought iron fences and rose bushes, some have meticulously maintained lawns and others are really derelict and overgrown. People generally don't make eye contact. It's annoying. My neighborhood seems to have the same cultural code as riding in an elevator. It's polite to look straight ahead without uttering a greeting.

Chris and I share the value of living in areas where we can't insulate ourselves from the woes of the city. We knew that moving here would require boldness and faith to cross over cultural lines, outside of our comfort zone. I kind of thought that with time connections in the neighborhood would just happen, naturally. And they have to some extent. I have a friendship with my next door neighbor, an 82-year-old widow, who I sometimes take grocery shopping or on excursions with my kids, because as she always thanks me, she can go for days without seeing another person due to her limited mobility. And a Somali family considers me friend and handyman for my expertise in setting up cable, internet and replacing smoke detector batteries.

As I walk my kids, I'm thankful for the relative safety of our particular street, but also saddened by the lack of warmness. So, finally, I took a risk. Prompted I believe by God's call for me to grow in hospitality and to use our amazing home to bless others, I invited 10 neighbors over for a pre-Mother's Day Brunch. I was so nervous. I cooked up a bunch of tasty food, prepared a list of conversation starters in case of awkward silence and even had a craft ready if conversation wasn't flowing.

The invite said 10:00-11:30. At 10:15, with my quiche getting cold, my heart was sinking. I felt so silly in my idealism to invite a bunch of really different people to a party. But then about 10:20, women started to trickle in. Seven women came: a Puerto Rican school teacher, a Jewish widow, a Somali mom of 5, an African American great-grandma and her daughter, a Lao SDSU student, a Mexican mom who recently returned to the workforce after raising 3 boys. Most of the women have lived in their homes for more than 20 years, but none of them had been invited into a neighbor's home. (Never! What does that say about the social fabric of America?) All of them expressed gratitude for my invitation and an interest in getting together again. Everyone shared about themselves and seemed interested in each other. There was no time for my ice breaker games or craft because everyone was having such a good time being together. I almost got teary in the middle of it.

Sometimes, I can't tell between my idealistic do-gooder ideas and God-inspired calls. In this instance, it is fair to say that God had called me to take a risk. A risk to be disappointed or to appear foolish. But his hand was all over this: from my friends' encouragement to throw the party, to Madeline's unheard of 3-hour nap the day before while I was preparing the brunch food, to the fact that everyone who said they'd come actually came, taking a risk themselves! Our meal together helped connect us, moving us beyond superficial cariacatures to glimpses of how similar our stories are. My street already feels warmer, and safer.

Uninterrupted

2009-04-28T11:16:00.005-07:00

Just returned from a weekend full of uninterrupted meals and conversation - which I ate up with enthusiasm. Catherine hosted our annual reunion at her godparents' home in Santa Monica, so we were spoiled with her thoughtful menu and her friends' amazing garden setting. Toby ended up coming with me at the last minute when Chris came down with a mysterious 4 hour flu bug. Convenient? No, it actually ended up providentially being the best thing for all involved. Chris got a whole weekend with Maddie - replete with comforting her from scary Elmo jumping out of her closet in a bad dream and early morning spooning. And I got to know my little angel, who basked in the extra attention and cooperated to his fullest in being the best behaved 6-month-old ever. I feel like to some degree I have been ignoring the little man for the past six months as I try to manage potty training and weather both the charisma and tantrums of my two-year-old. So it was great to be with him without his sister competing for my attention.

My friends, who I have known since we used to run around the blue Pomona-Pitzer track (beginning back in 96!!), continue to be amazing friends who are committed to growing our friendship. I appreciate them both so much and feel like we really let each other in, appreciating our different perspectives and contexts. The face-to-face time, in this Facebook/texting world, is all the more important. Sharing meals, shopping at the Santa Monica Farmer's market, sipping on quality coffee, strolling at the Getty Villa, and relaxing on the grounds of our old campus made for a wholly enjoyable weekend.

New ideas are slowly adopted

2009-04-07T08:35:00.004-07:00

Most of you know that I've been working with a brand new non-profit here in San Diego called the San Diego Community Land Trust. It's a really beautiful opportunity for me to work in an arena where a lot of my interests, gifts, and values converge. Paying jobs like that seem really rare these days, so I know I am very blessed.

I'm writing because I am struck by the tall task ahead of this baby organization of being part of shifting the thinking at City Hall and the Housing Commission about how to leverage public funds for homeownership programs. Currently, down payment assistance gets first time homebuyers into a home of their own. Some of that initial down payment is recouped by the Housing Commission when the homeowner sells the home, but the subsidy recapture doesn't provide enough funds to get a new, low-income family, now 5 years later, into a comparable home that has appreciated.

The San Diego Community Land Trust (CLT) wants to create a portfolio of homes that will always be affordable to low-income families, even after resale. The key to the CLT model is that the initial subsidy is forever protected by keeping the land in trust and only selling the improvements to the CLT homeowner. When the family is ready to move and resell their CLT home, they are able to sell the home at a price determined by a resale formula described in the Ground Lease that connects the house to the land. The resale formula ensures that upon resale, the home will still be affordable to a low-income family, while also allowing some modest wealthy creation for the initial CLT homeowner.

There are over 200 Community Land Trusts in the U.S. that have demonstrated the viability of shared-equity housing that retains the initial public subsidy, allows modest wealth (equity) creation for CLT homeowners, and protects the home's affordability in perpetuity (that means forever!)

My frustration is that we're at this critical point in San Diego housing history, when homes are again afforable to housesholds earning the Area Median Income. We know, given the boom and bust cycle of southern California real estate, prices will again rise and become unattainable to many. We forget so quickly that just a couple years ago less than 10 percent of San Diego households could afford the median priced home (which was more than $500K!) The CLT model would take advantage of these historically low prices, put them in trust, and act as the steward of the land so that the inital subsidy required to buy the properties would be preserved and the homes would be well-maintained.

The CLT is a future-looking investment. Down Payment Assistance, Habitat for Humanity, and other traditional homeownership programs help one family, whereas the CLT and other shared-equity models help family after family with only a one-time public investment.

And so for those of you reading who believe in the Divine, would you join me in asking for favor at the Housing Commission and other funders? We're finalizing our business plan and intend to start shopping it around, hoping for a role in San Diego's use of National Stabilization Plan funds to purchase foreclosed properties and put first-time homeowners in them. I think putting families who are priced out of the conventional market, but who can handle the responsibilities of ownership, while strengthening the neighborhoods of CLT homes through increased resident pride, longevity, and connectedness is close to the heart of a God who loves to restore and redeem.

When I pray I think of future CLT families who, given fixed mortgage payments (instead of always rising rent), will begin to save for their own education. I think of children who will grow up with the stability of attending the same school instead of moving around a lot because of the mobile nature of renting. I think of neighborhoods that are largely renter-occupied visibly improving due to increased ownership, one property at a time. And in the short-term, I see vacant, derelict bank-owned properties transforming from crime havens into hopeful homesteads for a sweet family who never dreamed of owning their own home.

I love this picture from Isaiah:
"Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings. "

My Green Wall

2009-03-23T09:36:00.001-07:00

Added a little color to our otherwise khaki walls - here's Maddie performing the ABCs and Jesus Loves Me in front of my lovely very green wall.

Motherhood

2009-03-11T14:22:00.003-07:00

I'm a mom. It's my primary role, how I identify myself these days. In the past, it's been friend, runner, student, consultant, wife, in no particular order. Momhood, I am finding, is a global club. Members carry certain benefits that non-members can't really understand, and few try to. Like, in this season of momhood, I'm burning an extra 500 calories a day simply by nursing Toby. I also have the benefit of learning how I talk through Madeline's use of language (mirroring my inarticluate use!) I can go to any local park and find a sympathetic ear in the other mom's. And, I'm finding that this club offers me access to friendship across cultural and class lines.

Last week, I was visiting with my friend Mariam. She has been here in San Diego since about the time we moved here (2 years). She came from Darfur, Sudan by way of Cairo, with no English and few employable skills. Now, 2 years later, we get to sit in her apartment as she heals from a c-section, her second baby swaddled in her arms, mine wiggling on a blanket on the carpet, chatting it up, while our two equally active preschoolers run around and play pretend. In many ways we have very little in common. She is a refugee, I know nothing about war. She is far from family, I have the luxury of in town grandparents. She is poor. I am rich. She is Muslim. I am Christian. Even though I have known friendship to be based on common status, common recreational interests, or common community, I am learning about friendship based on companionship in sharing in the common struggles and joys of raising a family.

This is really powerful for me. In western culture, leaving the workplace to stay at home with children can become very isolating because we still strive to "accomplish a lot" in the day without taking account of all the little accomplishments of being present to our kids and those around us.
Mariam is always surprised that I need to go after an hour or two. She would prefer that I stay and eat and chat for the whole afternoon. She grew up surrounded by family and neighbors. Life in her one-bedroom apartment with a husband that works long hours is lonesome. She told me that in Sudan, family comes to live with you upon the arrival of a new baby to ease the burden of housework and cooking. And they stay for a year! A new mom in her culture is much more free to come and go since there are other hands involved in raising the children. There is no such thing as childcare in her village, since the kids know all the neighbors and they simply come home when they are hungry. I wish we lived in safer times.

So, I'm motivated. My idea is that based in my newfound club, I ought to be able to meet my neighbors without it feeling awkwardly forced. I am going to meet my neighbors, who are all very different from one another, and find commonality in our role as Mom. Meeting my neighbors is the first step toward knowing them and creating a safer street. My crazy idea is to have a Mother's Day brunch to welcome the women living right around me to eat and chat in my home for one morning. I hope I have the guts to do it and to brave potentially awkward moments.

Roll Over

2009-03-03T21:32:00.002-07:00

Not a 401K, a Toby One, okay... see why he didn't even cry when he got his shots last week. This boy is one tough kid, while Maddie learns the subtleties of the word "gentle".

Bloggable

2009-03-03T20:31:00.000-07:00

A few weekends ago, we had just finished a run (rare for me these days) and then realized there wasn't a restaurant large enough in OB that would accomodate our monstrosity of a double jog stroller, so we grabbed some sandwiches and picnic'd beachside.

Been meaning to post this pic - don't you just want to eat him up? This is my little man - all 16lbs of him at 4 months. For comparison, Maddie weighed 19lbs at 12 months. He's supposedly only 75 percentile for weight, but he tires my arms out. Still measuring 96 percentile for height.

These shots were taken the same day (yesterday) -Dad in Boston, Maddie at our Salvation Army Kroc Center pool. (She remembers how to "swim". Can't get her head above water, but does propel herself forward.)

* * *

On Sunday, I attended a funeral, aptly called a Celebration of Life, for an 8-day-old baby boy who had Trisomy 13. His parents attend our church and modeled amazing courage in the face of such grief and disappointment. They shared during the service that baby Samuel had been such a gift, that they are so grateful that their prayers that he be miscarried were not answered. Despite his many physical problems, his short life, and his wordless existence, he taught his parents (and those of us touched by them) about the nature and abundance of love, the pure and accepting love of their Heavenly Father who loves us, like the parents loved this small, weak child, not for anything that he did or said, but because he was theirs. I spoke at the service about my reflections on how moving their love and courage were, and I left sad but uplifted by the eternal promises I can claim. Baby Samuel rests in the presence of Perfect Love right now.

Debut stories

2009-02-23T08:45:00.005-07:00

Last night before bedtime, Maddie and I were playing "Doctor" where we take care of each other's elbows that have been repeatedly bitten by a deviant spider. The prescribed care always includes diagnosis, a big bandaid, medicine, a shot that doesn't hurt, and rest. Last night, she asked me (her doctor) to tell her a story to help her rest. So we proceeded through three stories, one I made up about a princess who loves dirt, then she asked for the 3 Little Pigs, and then the 3 Bears (which I think she must have learned at Grammy's.) Finally, i was stucken with the spider bite, and I asked her to tell me a story. I feel compelled to write down her first story:

Once upon a time there was a little boy that loved to paint. But he lost his paint and he lost his paint brush. What should he do? I FOUND THEM!! The end.

I was beside myself. Just before bedtime has (almost) always been one of the sweetest times with Maddie (when she isn't overtired and tantrumming!) - as an infant she was just so sweet and babbly, nowadays she asks Daddy to dance with her for "just one more song", and our bedtime stories get more and more fun as she interacts with them. I can't wait to start hearing about her day at Nite Nite time, learning more and more about what goes on her little noggin.

***
Toby's bedtime routine lacks the sophistication of Maddie's choreographed closing to her day. At 6, I change the kid's diaper, put him in his jammies, swaddle him in the Miracle Blanket, nurse him, rock him for a minute, and say Nite Nite. He just seems so ready for bed after a day full of cooing, smiling, and wiggling.

Watch this!

2009-02-10T14:44:00.002-07:00

Our friend Christine posted this on her blog and rightly mentioned that this little video makes it look like we have all our ducks in a row - when really we're a bunch of knuckleheads dependent on grace and excited to be in the Kingdom here and now. The filmmaker attends our church and did a fantastic job.

Stuff White People Like

2009-02-01T15:51:00.006-07:00

I've been nailed, tagged, labeled by this website: Stuff White People Like.

I am a white person. Hard to admit, but yes, it's true. Despite my inclination to think I am a product of my unique life experience and similarly unique genetically coded personality, it appears I am very much a product of the greater social current of white culture. What you don't believe us whitey's have culture? Check out that link above and then tell me you don't resonate.

I appreciate this list "Stuff White People Like", or SWPL, because it actually is useful. In doing inter-cultural work, we always have our blindspots, but I, like most white people, really take my own culture for granted , and seems difficult to know others and their cultures, when we don't know ourselves. In working with a multi-cultural group of urban youth, I wonder how they perceive me, a mom, a white lady. Do they think my expensive coffee, ever-present water bottle, green(ish) tendencies, and love of hummus are strange and exotic?

What would you add to the SWPL list?

2008 in Review

2009-01-21T08:00:00.002-07:00

Thanks Jerm, for a great shot of our lil' fam.

Instead of listing all the cute things Maddie and Toby did this year, or all the things we did that were fun or significant, I thought it'd be worthwhile to try to write down some of what I've learned through the work God has called us to here in San Diego and through everyday life of being a family in America.

2008 lessons:

Expect the unexpected. From the economic downturn, to our brother Michael's welcomed move to San Diego (2 miles from us!), to our most friendly neighbors being the ones probably most different from us (they're a resettled Somali family), to the hardest kids in youth group being the most spiritually hungry, I have been pleasantly surprised and chastened by the unexpected in '08.
We're just as greedy as most everyone else. We held onto our quaint little bungalow in Phoenix basically because we thought real estate prices would always go up and we wanted to get rich. Oy vay. Now our house is again affordable to an average family, and I, the affordable housing advocate, is frustrated by our unfortunate timing. To be human is to be conflicted.
I'm super selfish. We all are. But having kids drove this truth home for me. I sometimes am awed that the human race continues to procreate when I consider how much work child rearing is. Innately, we want to see what little versions of ourself would be like. I still loath household chores like daily sweeping necessary to keep the house looking reasonably clean after a full day of toddler play. I'd think I would have adapted to these new realities, but I still resist them.
I'm super blessed. Our healthy family of four is the greatest joy in my life ... eva. I love my kids and husband to pieces. I still want to just eat up the little ones. Maddie constantly amazes me with her keen 2-year-old insight. And Toby constantly makes me smile with his smiley "a goo's".
God loves me and my feeble attempts at relationship with him. Maddie loves to talk on the phone with her Daddy and though she can tell understandable stories, she still just loves to chatter nonsense, too. Chris said that his phone conversations with her drive home how much God wants to spend time with us in prayer. Just like Chris and Maddie's conversations, on Abba's end of the prayer line he's contentedly smiling and beaming with pride over his beloved child, as we blabber on and on.
Intentionality is a hard thing. A necessary thing. That's why it's so important to build in things in your life that live out your values, otherwise we get lazy and live out of convenience instead of our priorities. For example, I joined a weekly bible study - so now I am in the Word occasionally versus weeks on end without cracking my Bible. This has been so good for me. We chose to move into City Heights - so now even though I am doing very little 'ministry' due to the demands of raising two little ones - I still get to interact with neighbors, real faces of the community we have chosen to love. (Though I want to be more intentional about that, too.)
Grace is real. Chris's coaching job just happened to be vacant when we moved here. We just happened to meet a new friend Lee at just the time he and a group of colleagues were launching a new non-profit land trust - for whom I now work part-time as a 'consultant'. Our youth group is a small group for teen girls - so Chris stepped down, and I stepped up - something I wouldn't have done without the circumstantial prompting; and it turned out to provide some of the most spiritually encouraging moments for me in '08. Watching people take first steps in prayer is very encouraging.
Living in reliance is hard but good. We unexpectedly became fully fundraised this past year just as the economy was slipping into recession. Thank you for taking care of us - God is so good to us. I want to live more generously ... to hold our stuff and plans more loosely ... so that I am less encumbered by competing demands on my ears and heart ... and more aware of God's goodness and promptings.
And, finally, things change, slowly, but they change. My Toby was born into a time when an African American is president - this will be normal to my kids, just like the Civil Rights Amendments are normal to me and segregation is hard to imagine. His worldview by extension will be different than my generation's. I celebrate this progress and have more hope for a more just society at the beginning of '09 than I did at the start of '08.

Hopefully I didn't put you to sleep like these two:

Not Doing Full-Time Ministry Brings More Ministry

2009-01-14T10:36:00.007-07:00

First, I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t admit that it is both worthwhile and strategic for certain believers to seek financial support in order to devote their time to ministries that function better, or perhaps not at all, without paid hours to devote to it. For instance, I could not help coordinate the Urban Project (our collaborative, local summer ministry work) if I was not available for the entire month of July with time to prepare weeks in advance.

That said, I don’t think of myself as being in “full time ministry.” In fact, I hate the phrase, “full time ministry!” Ministry is “pointing others to Jesus.” For instance, a teacher friend of mine, who reeks of Jesus, sacrificially pouring herself into her ESL students at a local public high school, praying for them as she grades their work, offering life counsel after school hours, definitely fits the definition of a “full time ministry” person.

Since moving to San Diego, the most personally transformative “ministry” role, in terms of challenging my paradigm for effectively pointing people to Jesus, especially those people who have the most barriers to encountering Him, has been coaching at the public high school. Sometimes I feel guilty about this. “Am I not investing enough of myself into my role as Director of Community Mission in the church? Am I distracted?” As I have thought and prayed about these questions, I have arrived, for now, at these thoughts.

For a wide variety of reasons, as a youth pastor in Phoenix I spent perhaps 5 hours a week at best with a core group of teens. In contrast, as a coach I see 20 teenagers almost year round for 15 hours a week, within the presumed spiritually vacuous confines of a secular public school environment. I obviously need to be very sensitive to the fact that public schools aren’t into people using their teaching or coaching positions to sell their “religious” world view to impressionable teens. Still, the confines of the public school context, have not shackled ministry a.k.a. “pointing people to Jesus”. The restrictions of working in a “secular” environment have been strangely wonderful limitations which have forced me into greater dependency on the powerful and creative work of the Holy Spirit to bring the person of Jesus center stage. Or, more accurately, to adjust the stage lighting to illuminate his figure which has been standing center stage all along, obscured by all the smoke and mirrors in our world that cause us not see him. I get to watch the Holy Spirit adjust the lighting, without personal illusion that I am the stage hand rotating the lights on Jesus through direct words, so that the teens I coach can see Jesus during our time together.

I remember running with a girl on the team whose father was just removed from the home by the state after years of domestic violence. She shared pieces of the story of the last few years, and then said “My mom found God at a church.” To which I responded something like, “Yeah, the things that are too hard for us to deal with alone force us ask if there is a God out there who can make sense of it all, or help us through it.” She didn’t respond, but gave me a sort of “you seem to understand what is going on” look. She graduates this year, and will continue running at a Junior College. I plan on a little follow up to that conversation at a more appropriate time. And in the meantime, I have the privilege of helping foster a safe haven at practice for her and other students like her who have few outlets for personal growth and healthy community.

More than God sort of making up for, or breaking into “secular space,” by kicking open doors for “spiritual conversations,” and therefore redeeming the time, I have found that this seemingly “secular”, or non-church time, has been an extremely strategic and effective means of sowing seeds of Good News in very fertile ground. As I follow the Holy Spirit in my work as coach, He has blessed me with friendships with other coaches, teachers, and administrators, and the privilege of playing a significant role in the lives of a diverse set of students.

Many of these students come from Muslim and Buddhist families and are very unlikely to come to a church-like event. But as coach, I’m training them, through running, to be better people, more disciplined, more responsible, more focused, and better team players. In the midst of practicing, traveling in the van, and competition, I get to build relationships of love and trust that have made me a safe person for them to let me into the messy parts of their lives. It is in these moments that I, Lord willing, do the “WWJD” thing, and when appropriate and opportune, engage in faith conversations.

It sounds pretty trite and basic, but in seeking to be the coach that Jesus would be, I really don’t have to look hard for sales pitch angles to share my faith and world view with the team. And regardless of whether faith ever comes up, I know Jesus is present and reflected through my love for these kids. In this way, I hope you, too, are encouraged to see your presence at work or in your neighborhood as a conduit the Holy Spirit uses to sow grace and peace.

It is that same Grace and Peace that we extend to you in this New Year, with love!

Editor's (a.k.a. Wife's) Note: Chris's top athlete won the San Diego CIF meet and placed in the top 20 at the California State Cross Country meet. So, not only is he relationally encouraging his kids, he's also part of this particular student's journey to a scholarshipped college education.

Wedding bells

2008-12-22T11:05:00.005-07:00

My lil' brother got hitched! We flew standby with the kiddos and Papa and Grammy Brewster to Virginia to participate in the festivities. It was a great weekend - both kids cooperated and were great travelers. Madeline had the nap of her life just before the ceremony, so she was in top form for her debut as a flower girl - she gave shot outs to Grammy and Dawg during the ceremony, exclaiming, "You watching me Grammy? Hi, Dawg, I'm a flower girl" before the whole church. She was on cloud nine. Mom and dad experienced minimal traveler's stress due to their grandparent entourage. Those two Brewsters are amazingly clutch.

Sean's new wife is so easy to embrace into our fam. Dr. Tiffany Finnegan made sure the wedding was family-friendly, considering a lot of details most kidless people would not have considered. Her own family is very down to earth and warm. Sean is a lucky, lucky man. Can't wait for them to come out for a visit soon.

Frustrated Bliss

2008-12-05T08:59:00.004-07:00

Toby at 6 weeks.

Maddie sat still for her first hair cut!

Every day is still different. No strict schedule has yet emerged. Maddie went 5 days without her beloved pacifier - spurred by misplacing it when she stayed with Grammy last weekend. She then came home and refused her nap for the next three days. Sigh. So out of nowhere a special 'naptime paci' emerged. And her nap returned.

Parenting the first couple years was a general progression of care, introducing new things, and teaching. Fun. Encouraging. Exciting. This third year seems like a steady march of discipline and training, punctuated by the most amazing moments of little personhood. In the middle of an episode that included hitting, stomping, and screaming, Maddie calmed down after I re-iterated softly how much I love her several times. I then asked her if she wanted to read some books before bedtime, to which she replied, "Mommy, I'm just too sad." And later, after some more snuggling, she said, "Thank you, Mommy, I'm happy. Let's read books." Now, I haven't come to expect such direct gratitude, but the fact that a 2 year old, my baby girl, is capable of such insight into her self and the situation around her, is so amazing and yet I'm always astounded when she acts like a person, just a wee version. It's really fun watching my Maddie 'become'. It's also a shitload of work. I'm trying to be consistent, and it's definitely easier now that I'm not delirious with sleep deprivation, but in general, I have a lot to learn. I get frustrated with her when she is clingy or whiny or defiant and so then I get frustrated with myself when I don't handle it well.

Little Tobster, isn't so little, and he is 'becoming' at warp speed. He's now cooing and kicking and even smiling. He's such a sweet boy, very content, a self soother, easily pacified, and very tolerant of his sister's manhandling of him. As far as new babies go, he's a rockstar. He eats fast, goes to sleep on his own, and entertains us with his little physical feats of bearing his weight on his own two bowed legs and summitting his dad's shoulders via scooting up his chest. But his smiles are really something. I can't wait for him to laugh!

Ups and Downs

2008-11-08T13:16:00.000-07:00

Week One: don't really remember much. Chris had to coach at 3 different cross country meets, help run a church Fall Festival, and prepare a sermon. Toby was easy; newborns are pretty chill now that I have a toddler to compare to. Maddie took to her brother adoringly. I have never seen a two-year-old so attentive to a newborn. She holds him everyday in her lap and regularly comforts him with a pat and says, "Don't be fussy, it's okay, bud."

Week Two: don't really want to remember. My Dad came for 3 days to help ... so it could have been worse, he was very attentive to Maddie, just as she began to express her uncertainty about whether she liked how much of Mommy's time Toby takes. Thankfully, her coping hasn't manifest itself toward Toby, but instead she decided to wake at 4am and get up in the middle of the night multiple times and act very, very defiant. One day would be horrible and the next just fine. The worst was a long night of reflux for lil' Tobster - he was in pain from 11pm-3am, arching his back and screaming inconsolably. That was scary, but it hasn't recurred - thank God.

Week Three: Chris took two weekdays off to recover - enjoyed a long walk on the OB pier with our little fam. Maddie has started to play independently again. She's napping like a pro, and sleeping through the night - thanks to princess sticker incentives. Toby likes to wake to eat every three to four hours at night - but he's a speed eater and doesn't require much help getting back to sleep. Unfortunately, Maddie and I have a little head cold, so I still feel tired. Friends have been amazing taking Maddie for long stretches - which really helps my little extrovert - and we've been blessed with home cooked meals most nights.

Welcome Tobias Scott Brewster

2008-10-27T21:50:00.006-07:00

Not Quite a Sack of Potatoes

2008-10-25T08:23:00.006-07:00

As Maddie so succinctly likes to put it, "Baby Toby's not hiding anymore!" He entered the world Wednesday at 11:44pm after what felt like 3 weeks of stop and go labor. The day was punctuated by stronger, but not uncomfortable contractions, until they finally became consistent every 7 minutes, at which point we decided to head to the hospital. Grammy picked up Maddie to be in the care of Uncle Michael and Aunt Lauren (new residents of San Diego), and we casually made our way to Mary Birch Birthing Factory with a stop at Jamba Juice for me, and a hamburger run for Chris (gross). When I arrived in triage around 5:30pm, they found that I was 6cm dilated, a full cm more than my OB measured that same morning. I was so afraid they were going to send us home because it was so busy and the contractions were rather far apart. One woman had been waiting in triage for a Labor & Delivery bed since 9 in the morning. At 41w1d, I was more excited to not be pregnant anymore than I was was to meet my new son.

Fortunately, the triage nurse said she wasn't going to let me go home at 6cm, so we quickly were transferred upstairs. I asked to have my water broken, as we were ready to get this show on the road. In the meantime, we walked the hall with Laura, and then at about 8pm, the Dr. broke my water and it was game on. Chris's serene and constant presence as my support coach was amazing, the 4 hour progression from 6cm to meeting our little man was really intense, incredibly physical, and very bonding for our family. I don't think you can compare pain, but I do think that having been through this before made the experience less scary. Pushing came more intuitively this time. But the big surprise was when they placed my 9lb 14oz boy in my arms. I had no idea I was carrying such a big baby. His shoulders are as big as Maddie's are.

Each day I think he looks more like her newborn pictures. We got out of the hospital as soon as they'd let us. I hated the constant interruptions, even if the nurses were caring and professional. And we felt so much more at ease leaving with a new human in our care than we did when they let us take Maddie home. So we left around 8pm on Thursday.

My dad and Ellen were in town within 12 hours of delivery, so they helped out with Madeline yesterday, who, by the way, is totally enamored with Baby Toby who is "ohhhhh, so precious". She had a couple "I want my Mommy" anxiety filled cries yesterday while I was nursing, but her process of figuring out her new place doesn't seem to alter her affection for her little brother. She got out of bed last night during a wee-hour feeding and talked to me for 15 minutes as Toby nursed, and then (surprisingly) went straight back to sleep in her own bed. This morning we all slept in our family bed from about 5-7:30am. I'm trying to be extra sensitive to her and obliging requests for extra holding, but I'm not giving in to her request, "I try Mommy's milk?"

It's Day 3 and I feel so much more at ease already than yesterday. My milk came in yesterday afternoon, and that has made for a much more happy Tobster. He seems to be the natural nurser that his sister was too. Thank you for your prayers for our health and well-being. We are so thankful for our family & friends and feel so full of love, gratitude, and oxytocin!

The grandparents took over as the photographers, so I don't have many pics to share yet. I'll get on it.

Waiting

2008-10-07T11:47:00.002-07:00

Month 8 of this pregnancy has felt full.

I turned 30 a few weeks ago, and I realized that I am grieving the end of an era. Life with adult responsibilities, especially the raising kids part, seems to be one of scheduled friendship, and little time spent "lazily" or spontaneously being together. The fact that I describe passing time with friends as lazy speaks to the culture which I simultaneously am a part and abhor. I notice that at church and community events that the Latinos tend to be the last to arrive, but they also are the last to leave, staying to sit in relaxed conversation, to steep in time spent together. My culture feels so rushed, agenda'd, more like instant coffee; no, we're too sophisticated for Folger's, more like Tazo Chai mix that you just add to your soy milk. I have much to learn from my Latino friends.

Part of me withdraws when others don't call. I steep instead in the heated pool at the Kroc Center with baby swimmer Maddie, relishing every little milestone, or in our backyard making dirt pizzas. But then my 30th bday draws me into reflection, and I confront my need not just for the deep satisfaction of motherhood, not merely the beautiful provision of companionship and a place to belong in faith community, but genuine friendship, to be known and savored.

I realize that this takes time and it takes intentionality. In college, dorm life and athletics provided consistent time together to forge deep friendship without much shuffling of life. Now, I realize this season requires much more effort to carve the time and space in life for friends. I hope to make this a priority this next year, even in the face of caring for 2 in diapers.

So, I'm waiting to see how God will provide deep friendship; but I'm also waiting on God to show me what's next. My first 18 months as part of a church planting team were fun. I tried out new things. I helped set-up and run our Nursery and Pre-School Sunday programs - which is ridiculous. I tried to befriend several women in the community, none ever reciprocated phone calls. I wonder whether that is just cultural, just life, or closed doors. I incompetently entered into life with our young teen girls on Wednesday nights and God has proven sufficient time and again. And I get to work part-time with a new, grassroots, alternative non-profit model to affordable home ownership during one of the more scary economic times many of us have faced. But I still am waiting for calling, even a seasonal one. I feel a bit adrift. The opportunity to be 'out there' or 'missional' varies every day based on an unpredictable nap schedule, varying degrees of good time management, and juggling my more concrete responsibilities (household, baby, Harbor Church work, and Land Trust work). It's what to do with the privilege of flexibility and open time slots that confuses me. Maybe I will always ask "Am I doing enough?" Even though the answer is obviously "Yes."

And finally, the lil' Tobster got me all excited last week, after 3 hours of labor that stopped at 1 in the morning and an OB visit that reported I was already 3cm dilated. But a week later, still no baby. But, I'm in no rush, or at least I shouldn't be. We're trying to enjoy the last few days of being a family of 3. I expect the next posts will include some shots of our son . . . . Just wait and see!

A Single Ministry Fabric: Urban Project 2008

2008-09-03T12:52:00.002-07:00

Rather than our summer of ministry seeming to be the logical outcome of a group of “high capacity” people working together to “get the job done,” standing at the end of the day with arms crossed and self-confident smirks on their faces, the summer as a whole felt a lot like grace appropriately received with open hands. Many of us have expressed a more acute awareness that we were working together this summer as the continued presence of Jesus on earth, the Body of Christ, in a way that significantly added to the breadth and depth of our experience and understanding of what this whole “Body of Christ” lingo is all about.

We saw the Body of Christ as not just a collection of diversely gifted individuals working in dynamic unified diversity; we also observed the Body of Christ operating together as a collection of ministry organizations: World Impact, Hope in the City, InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, and Harbor Church Mid-City, who did their best to pay attention to the Spirit’s weaving of their particular commitments and values into a single ministry fabric. Although not without misunderstanding, confusion, and tension, the end result was a ministry fabric whose patterns and colors were much more beautiful and vibrant than had we chosen instead to go about our summer ministry activities alone within the comfortable confines of our own kingdom building agendas.

Under the name “Urban Project”, the title InterVarsity has given to their summer urban ministry plunges around the country, God brought us together around two main goals of 1.) ministering to children in City Heights, and 2.) creating an environment for the overall development/discipleship of young people. There is no way any of our organizations alone, particularly the now only one-year-old, 120-person Harbor Church Mid-City, could have ever been used by the Lord to generate so much Kingdom work.

This summer, church and para-church came alongside in a way that seemed to complement what each is best at being in the world. Para-churches, para meaning “along side,” so “along side the church,” are organizations formed in order to extend the reach of the Kingdom into specific contexts (people, places) where the local church is less effective in reaching, or just not reaching at all. They are specialists, who craft their mission around specific values and commitments to reach a specific population.

For instance, InterVarsity Christian Fellowship focuses on cultivating relationships on college campuses to create “world changers,” people who live out the Gospel story in such a way that society around them hears and experiences good news in both word and deed whether on campus, in the marketplace or elsewhere in the world. I wonder where we would have been without InterVarsity, who supplied a dozen college students to help design and implement one of the camps, and who took on mentoring roles of some of the high school interns. It was enriching for the high school students to watch those a few years older grapple with questions of calling and worldview in the midst of a summer of ministry that radically challenged the answers they might give to the questions like, “What does it mean to be the church in the world?” and “What does true discipleship look like?” Above all, we are grateful for the lasting connections that were formed, as we expect relationships to continue throughout the year.

Hope in the City, founded by a former InterVarsity staff member, exists in City Heights to create access to opportunity for young people, and also exists to work for the overall well-being of the community. They worked with the InterVarsity folks to form Camp Excellencia, the two-week day camp. They paid for half of the high school intern stipends and played a huge role training both the college students and high school students, helping to point them towards God’s desire for our lives as Christians to reflect “living justly and loving mercy.”

Lastly, the folks from World Impact, a mission organization that exists to plant indigenously-led churches among the urban poor, provided vital relationship connections with people in the community. Through years of living and ministering to families in 3 large apartment complexes in City Heights, they were able to get the college students placed in the apartments, living among campers and their families. I remember dropping college students off at their apartments each day, watching them “experience more hospitality than I have ever experienced in my life,” as children ran up to greet them, and moms forced plates of tamales down their throats. About 75% of the children who attended the camps came due to years of relationship-building in the community, cultivated through focusing on particular apartment complexes, getting to know people, teaching ESL, and starting bible studies with those interested. One of the camps, Sports Camp, was a camp for the children of these complexes.

These “alongside the church” organizations partnered with Harbor Church Mid-City. We were so excited when 5 of your young people, most connected to families who call our church home, sacrificed jobs and other opportunities in order to be part of the summer. As a church we are a collection of young and old, rich and poor, black, brown, white and yellow, who gather together as people with a broad scope of callings and commitments and expectations of what “church” is all about. As a church, we are generalists, about the general nurture and well-being of one another, about the general welfare of our community. A place where, when we are healthy, our worship celebrates and nurtures the fruit of our lives.

At the end of the summer, the Urban Project celebrated our time together with this family. Stories were shared. “When I met Hector I realized that God was calling me not to judge the gangster kids in my neighborhood anymore, just to love them and give them the attention that they are looking for.” Camp worship songs were sung. “What can take your love away? Nothin’ nothin’ absolutely nothin!” Parents of teen interns heard the story of the summer, along with some of the children who we met at camps. After the service they joined our multi-ethnic, multi-generational family afterward for some of the best tostadas ever, prepared by a family in our church. The church became a place that celebrated God’s work outside the church walls in our community, celebrating God’s grace as it was enfleshed in the community through our collective joining in what He wanted to do.

Summer Shots

2008-08-23T08:55:00.005-07:00

Celebrated summer's start with friends.

The Lunch Ladies during Sports Camp.

Chris preached during a Sunday service celebrating the Urban Project.

30 high school and college students completed the first San Diego Urban Project.

Maddie welcomed her new cousin Abigail Brewster.

Pre-baby #2's arrival, we got away for a few days to the Malibu area, while Maddie got to play at Grammy's.

Took our youth group girls on a retreat to LA.

July Update: Summer is here

2008-07-06T19:50:00.007-07:00

Friends,

I feel the pressing need for your prayers. I'm not carrying the fraction of the load that our other team members are, but I have felt overwhelmed for about a week now, and our summer programming is just ramping up.

Chris left early this morning for Young Life camp with 40 Hoover High students. They're up at Lost Canyon, a beautiful facility, in monsoon-y Williams, AZ. (I miss the AZ storms.) At 30, he's old there. But we're both really glad that he is involved in the lives of local youth in the context of an on-campus ministry. Last summer, his cabin experience sort of nailed home a series of affirmations that God would use us in San Diego. I pray that this week would be a powerful time of softening hearts, vulnerability, trust building, and life change. Please lift him up - he can't afford to come home too tired, because the morning after he returns, he begins leading a group of 12 teens on a 3-week internship, including 2 day camps.

Please pray for Christine, too, as she holds down the fort in Chris's absence this week, preparing the last minute details for our church's first summer outreach.

Pray for me as I juggle a lot of hats this summer (in no particular order): event planner, cook, mom, land trust coordinator, and grunt worker. Next Sunday, we're hosting 100 newly arrived refugees from Burma, Somalia, and Sudan to welcome them to San Diego with a picnic in the park, complete with kids carnival, Marimba band, and hallal chicken and rice. I planned the event - my first big event - and I hope it goes well! Then the following Saturday, we're hosting our 2nd annual Yard Sale to benefit a local elementary school and bless neighbors with screaming deals on quality items. And finally, the day camps run the following two weeks.

We'll recap in August. Although I'm a bit anxious, I'm genuinely excited to see what God will do as we are forced to lean on him given not only the sheer volume of work, but also the life issues that will inevitably emerge among our team and those we serve. Chris always came home from Kids Club absolutely blasted, but deeply soul-encouraged. That's what I'm hoping for: physical fatigue, maybe, but countered with priceless perks like a deepening of our spirituality and a more meaty lived-out experience of community, that only happens life-on-life.

Thanks for lifting us up. Feel free to e-mail Chris or Christine a quick note of encouragement:

chrisb@harborpc.org

Love to all of you.

Sand Monster

2008-06-29T22:36:00.001-07:00

Safe place

2008-06-25T06:59:00.004-07:00

Being a leader in our church's youth group has been the unexpected highlight of my faith experience here in San Diego. Originally, I signed up to help simply because Chris was hosting the weekly meetings of the fledgling group in our living room. But as it became clear that our youth group was evolving into more of a girl's small group, Chris backed out and Christine began to host at her new house, propelling me into driving a route all over City Heights to pick up a van full of pre-teen and teen girls. Christine and her roommate Annie were so excited to be living in our target neighborhood and the cry of their hearts was for the Lord to make their home a safe place.

Wednesday nights became a set aside time in the girls' week that was SAFE. Safe to giggle for no reason, safe to cry even though they often don't have words for what's going on inside, safe to pray out loud even though they think they "don't know how", safe to put their confidence in an adult who faithfully is available, safe to talk about real deep scars/fears/dreams, safe to lower the walls in their heart to invite a Comforting, Gentle Father to fill up the holes.

The issues the girls carry from childhood and from their own unfolding stories and the stories of their friends are way beyond our capacity to address, or even understand. Last Friday night, at a sleepover at Christine's home, one of her dearest childhood friends shared her life story of struggling with a life-threatening eating disorder and other destructive patterns. She has just emerged from a 6-month program where she believes she learned for the first time to challenge the lies she had believed about herself since she was a little girl, stemming from abuse and family dysfunction. The last chapter of her talk ended with a confident claim that God has massaged his truth that she is his daughter in whom he DELIGHTS deep into not just her head, but her heart. When she thinks old thoughts like "I'm dirty" or "I'm bad, God and no one else can love me," she has learned to identify the lie and claim scripture truth that God loves her like the one lost sheep, that he is always with her, that she is beautiful and beloved. It was an incredible story of supernatural intervention, but told so simply, with no sensationalism. She was lost, now she is found. Our young girls cried and cuddled with each other through the whole talk. They intimately related to the issues this friend shared, they yearn for the hope she has in her eyes. And they are so open.

Having participated in church youth settings before, as a young person in a youth group, and as a mentor at Neighborhood Ministries, I have never encountered such a spiritually open group of teens before. Sure there are always leaders who emerge from a larger group, those who seek to personalize their faith earlier than their peers. But our initial experience has been with a completely random group of girls, all who go to different schools, all who are genuinely serving God or on a journey of asking wonderfully curious & relevant questions.

My role, apart from Route Driver, has been one of supporting Christine and being the primary prayer intercessor. This is completely ironic because I have never experienced a strong prayer life and have felt insecure about it. But toward the end of our youth group evenings, Christine leads the girls in worship songs on her guitar, and invites anyone who wants prayer to join me. So, on Christine's patio, surrounded by little candle votives the girls decorated with words that exude safety, I am learning to feel safe stumbling through prayer with my teen friends. Every night, I feel like God has probably affected me more than the girls, that he is leading me into a faith that follows the Spirit and doesn't rest on my competence. And we cry out together to a God who is much, much bigger than our problems.

The problems really are depressing. And the really scary part is that almost every girl is facing very scary problems - is this random group representative of the rest of our community? I suppose that is the heaviest feeling - that much of our neighborhood is in severe distress and /or perpetrating severe pain. Thankfully, Friday night, Christine's friend shared our hope - that Jesus in in that distress with us - that he knows exactly what it feels like to feel forsaken, misunderstood, and abused - and he enters into those places with us - that we are not alone - that he sends his Spirit to empower, to break cycles, to bring shalom healing - and ultimately, that those moments of peace and true love we feel here & now are promised to us in their fullness for eternity when we meet our Savior face to face.

Tough stuff

2008-06-17T21:06:00.002-07:00

Name wizardry

2008-06-03T22:10:00.005-07:00

I remember celebrating our 6th anniversary with a weekend in Tucson. We had just found out that we were expecting our first child. Needless to say, we talked a lot about our new news. But what I remember dominating our conversation was endless name brainstorming. It wasn't like we were in Eden tasked with the daunting work of naming EVERY created thing, we only had to name one little individual. OUR little individual. Oh the responsibility. Oh the joy.

We went on a beautiful 3-hour hike in Sabino Canyon and probably talked about names for 2.5 hours of it. But when when we came up with our daughter's name in our popcorn suggestions, it was decided handedly, without hesitation, no looking back. Madeline Grace. I still love her name. It totally fits the child who we hadn't even met yet. Madeline, who takes in the whole world with keen observation and overwhelming appreciation, who sits quietly on my lap (for a brief moment) and sneaks an adoring look up at me, uttering gratitude and love with " Mommy, Mommy, Mommy." Maddie who is the fastest toddler I've ever met and keeps up with the big kids after church in the courtyard, who loves to test her parents, coloring on the wall or floor, without breaking eye contact, who adamantly, albeit with much flirtation, answers her daddy's question, "Do you love your daddy?" with fierce head shaking and wild smile, "No!" Grace, who teaches us daily how much grace we need from each other and from our Father, in that parenting consistently brings you to a place of wondering what the hell am I doing? and am I doing any of it right?, who lavishes us with her slobbery, sincere toddler love even when we hurt her or feel distracted, who has added more to our lives than I can really even comprehend, who reminds the Brewster family of Grandma Grace who helped raise Chris when his parents were still in college and is remembered as Chris's first mentor in being an NFL fan, Go Skins! If I may say so myself, the kid got a great name.

Now the second child already has to live up to the legacy of the first, and he's not even born yet! Boy names are sooo much harder than girl names. Too many of them are old hat, boring, common, or don't sound good with Brewster. The middle name is decided: Corbett. Our kid will be the fifth Brewster boy with it, who am I to stop such a tradition, even if the name on its own does nothing for me? So that leaves only one name to decide on. Thanks to Chris's perusal of some on-line name lists, we think we have it narrowed down to one, but here's our working list. Wanna guess?

Malachi
Eli
Evan
Waylan
Silas
Toby
Preston
Clayton

*For the answer, which we reserve the right to change at any time until the birth certificate must be signed, go to this clever blog: Baby Name Voyager
*This post isn't written to encourage votes - naming our son isn't a democratic process - Chris and I reserve that privilege selfishly for ourselves.

Sneak Peek

2008-05-23T14:01:00.003-07:00

The ultrasound today was definitive - our little SON is growing as expected for a 19-week-old fetus. The baby was moving all around on the TV monitor, and Maddie readily identified it as a baby - that as her Grammy pointed out is "hiding" in Mommy's tummy. Chris and I are really excited. We were totally open to either sex, but there's something gratifying to usabout having one of each. Just wanted to quickly share our news.

In perpetuity

2008-05-21T08:09:00.006-07:00

Monday the newly-formed, working board of the San Diego Community Land Foundation offered me part-time work! I've been sitting in on board meetings since last Fall, anticipating that there would be ways that I could bring my limited experience to bear here in San Diego. Well, the organization is gathering steam, having been awarded its first grant to develop a business plan and bylaws. Monday, they decided to contract with me as their first use of funds.
I'm charged with mostly administrative duties to ensure that the board moves forward, such as setting up meetings, following up with work progress, and conducting basic research tasks. I expect that I'll participate in many of the initial meetings and get to meet a lot of key players ... in City Heights - my backyard! Our funder focuses on community revitalization work in City Heights, so the SDCLF will commence a community land trust pilot here in 92105. Not only am I afforded the opportunity to learn how to start a non-profit, use my real estate backgound, and get paid to work on a project I really believe in, I get to do so in a geography that I have grown to care so much about in the last 2 years.

The general premise of a CLT is to hold land in a community-represented trust to provide and preserve affordable housing in perpetuity. The improvements on the land are sold to buyers who otherwise would be unable to buy their own home, and they enter a 99-year ground lease. The original subsidy is passed onto future buyers by limiting the resale value, as contracted in the lease.

So that's the good news. Here's the bad news, and the business case for why a CLT now?This map shows a large portion of City Heights. You can see my street, Lea St, on the far right. All of the little flags are Bank-Owned properties (according to RealtyTrack.com. There's over 150 on this map - and more than 150 in the rest of the zipcode! The SDPD reports that they know of at least 70 properties that are already abandoned and posing considerable public safety risks (drug sales, prostitution, juvenile truancy, etc) in an already vulnerable community. We see this enormous challenge as a potential opportunity to acquire foreclosed properties in bulk at considerable discount from banks - providing the community with a unique asset - taking land off the speculative market and putting control of it in the community's hands.

I'm so excited to be exposed to a really talented board that I believe has the capacity to get this off the ground.

Storytime with Papa

2008-05-12T19:30:00.002-07:00

Too cute not to post.

Maddie has totally taken to her bedtime story routine. At the mention of a book, she eagerly asks for "Go, Go, Go" (Go Dog, Go) or Elmo, a lift the flap book. Part of the routine is to try her hand at negotiating for more books, but I limit it to 2. If the bedtime routine runs overtime, I find myself ready for bed at 7pm, too. She might have some of Uncle Michael's (pronounced Boy-ka in Maddie speak) salesmanship in that she tries to upsell us at every turn. Whether it's "one more", pointer finger extended up, book or "one more" gummi bear vitamin, she's rarely satisfied. Despite pitifully cute index finger and puppy dog eyes, I have found that it's easier in the long run to let my No be my No, and to move on to the next thing. Music is up next in the bedtime routine, so we transition, by letting her turn on the CD player. Within a couple minutes, she's completely relaxed and dreaming about red dogs and blue dogs driving cars, driving cars fast . . . .

Belles

2008-04-30T17:04:00.003-07:00

Bradford's mom got Maddie this sailor girl dress when we first moved to San Diego. Since then Bradford and I have pondered where will a girl wear such a dress in SoCal? She with some nostalgia for a home (Birmingham, AL) where young children run barefoot dressed meticulously in handmade, smocked baby gowns, I with some disdain for overly adorned kids who just drool and spill all over the outfit within in minutes anyway. So, a couple weeks ago, we made a date to take the kiddos to Balboa park, replete with its formal landscapes and architecture, and snap some shots of them all cute-ified.

We had a blast. The kids would not sit still unless they were eating (while, of course, messing up their outfits), so the shots reflect their frenetic natures, not necessarily the contemplative, gazing at flowers poses I thought we might capture. But it was one of those sweet spring mornings where I'm so grateful that I get to 'stay home' with my kid and pass time with a sweet friend.

Cobalt Season

2008-04-29T10:30:00.006-07:00

Loose quote by Ryan Sharp, lead singer: Somewhere between the dark of night and the light of day, we're all in a liminal space of breaking through. That's what Cobalt Season is about. All of us are always in a process of change, transformation, becoming.

Last night, we hosted, on a sort of blind date, on the reference of a good friend, the Bay Area-based band Cobalt Season. They treated us to an evening of thought-provoking, personal reflections on life, seasons, faith, parenthood, and being okay with our own unsettledness, our limitations. All of the poetry, the story, the social commentary was delivered through three people that play sweet music together. It's rare to just be treated to a night of art in the comfort of your own home, and feel like by the end of the evening, you've made three new friends, on the happenstance that we have one friend in common. The band is awesome. They make beautiful music that has something to say worth listening to, accessible to a lot of different crowds, all with an air of generosity totally devoid of any pretension.

Check them out at www.thecobaltseason.com. I highly recommend their newest album Fragile Iconoclast. I don't know how to describe the music, maybe folk indie, but regardless, it's real, it's quality, and I like it a lot.

Daffodils and hailstorms

2008-04-23T12:28:00.005-07:00

Spent the past weekend in Portland and the Oregon Coast. Gorgeous. Relaxing. Cold. For our annual girls weekend together, we always look forward to catching up with each other, on our sleep, and visiting someplace beautiful. This is my fifth reunion with Cat and Alayna, two best buds from Pomona-Pitzer track. It is such a sweet time to be with people with whom I share so much history. They are dear to me.

We outran a fast moving hailstorm when we had to abort a brief walk on the beach, then we sat inside and watched the landscape turn white from hail. Later that night, after a meal of clam chowder, fresh crab, and artichokes, we sat by a fire and indulged in s'mores. Simple livin. No toddlers to run after, no e-mail to distract us. The following day was absolutely Oregon at its best in April. Crisp, sunny, tulips and daffodils flitting in the breeze in everyone's front yard, even along highways, and good coffee at every turn.

Chris was great to take Maddie for the weekend. He says that each morning she looked for me, even under the covers on our bed. I arrived late on Sunday night, so early Monday morning, when Chris brought her into our room, she said, "There she is!" It's so good to be home, and it was so good to get away.

Spring 2008 Update: On the Way

2008-04-05T09:17:00.004-07:00

Chris reflects…
I continue to be amazed how the reach of the Kingdom is breaking through the fortified walls of a “secular” public school, Hoover High, the site of our now year and three month old church plant. Also, I am amazed at how God is choosing to bring different churches/ organizations together, whose unity in mission is a peculiar Vegas-like sign flashing KINGDOM, A.K.A GOD, AT WORK.

A new organization, The Urban Youth Collaborative, has been resourcing (speakers, food, camps, bibles, networking) on-campus Bible Clubs at over 7 urban schools in the San Diego area. They opened up a door for our church, along with Young Life, to share the load of providing pre-game meals for both the Varsity Football and Basketball teams. During the season, I simply drive over to their site, pick up a meal already prepared, and bring it into the locker room. With a rotation of speakers, we present a Biblically-based message to the team, and then serve them a meal before their game. Over time, many of the coaches and players are becoming friends, exposed to the kindness of Jesus through our simple ministry activities.

Every week, the Bible Club at Hoover is jam-packed with about 50 teens. Again, the Bible Club is nothing that no single organization can point to and call their own. You can sometimes see perplexity in the faces of students and teachers when we try to explain the different moving parts to the weekly meeting. A few weeks ago I shared a message about the heart of God to leave the 99 sheep protected in the Good Shepherd’s fold, and go after the one lost sheep. I was able to share my experiences from my days at Neighborhood Ministries, of a God who goes after “bad” kids, and when he finds them doesn’t give a tongue lashing for their wickedness, but scoops them up and carries them home on his shoulders. As I looked out at the class room of engaged teens, I almost started to weep, “What is going on here? These are supposed to be the teens that I have to spend months dazzling and wooing like Michelle Pheiffer in Dangerous Minds.” Instead, these teens, many of whom come from war-torn countries, or streets that feel like they are in a war zone, were soaking in Good News. Good News that God is one who will go after them into the “wilderness,” their dangerous world, valuing them enough to inconvenience Himself for them.

Anastasia reflects…
On the home front, it’s been an eventful month. I found out that I’m pregnant (according to our first ultrasound, now about 14 weeks along!) I got into a horrible high speed car accident on the 8 freeway, but after hitting a concrete wall on the shoulder and then drifting back into traffic and coming to a complete stop in the third lane of the freeway, I got out of my little Corolla (R.I.P.), dazed and startled from the smell of airbags and “what if’s?” I had managed to maneuver around the car that drove me off the road, and then thanks to God’s intervention, hit no other cars on a busy interstate! When miracles happen, I want to be grateful, and this clearly was miraculous. (Thankfully, I had just dropped off Madeline.) My (and the in utero baby’s) only injury was a sprained ring finger. No soreness the following day. I am so grateful.

The weeks following my accident have been particularly sweet. I was invited into a neighbor’s home for the first time in 15 months of living in San Diego. We moved into City Heights to be neighbors, to be present, to be available. Now, I regularly take my widowed next door neighbor grocery shopping, and on our other side, our neighbor Boon regularly exchanges pleasantries and even food, but neither neighbor has invited me into their home. For me, being in one’s home signifies trust and vulnerability, it has always meant a lot to me. Well, a new Somali family moved in down the street, and after greeting their 6 beautiful children, the father Rashid invited me inside to help them figure out how to use their dishwasher, washer/dryer, and heater. Halima, my new sahib (friend), cooked up some lunch for me and her family yesterday. They served me, then got out their prayer mats and prayed for a few minutes, finally joining me to eat. They were resettled in the United States after spending many years in Nairobi, Kenya, far from their conflict-ridden homeland. After one year here, the children are fluent in English and serve as excellent translators. This new relationship is such an encouragement to me.

And finally, God is suddenly bringing new girls to our youth group, some from families that attend church, some through Young Life connections, and then of course through the girls' own invitations to friends. For Easter we got to explain that there’s more to the holiday than Easter bunnies and eggs. They know that Jesus came to earth and lived, died, and rose again, but they had no idea what Easter was about! And this past week, the Spirit was moving, and we never got to Christine’s planned lesson. The girls just decided to show up and expose their real struggles and pain that they carry from childhood and family brokenness. It is always hard to hear how painful others' lives are, but this evening was marked with hope and love. When I asked if they thought God had anything to say about their pain, one girl said that nothing happens without a purpose, and maybe He is going to use her pain to help others. Then we got to pray and lay hands on several of the girls, and we got to spend some extended time asking the Lord to come and heal, to give power to overcome temptation, to comfort, and to be present and real. And all of our 12-, 13-, 14-, and 15- year-old girls were attentive and participating. I have never seen them so “on task”. Young people, hurting people, have a hunger for spiritual meaning. I’m so glad that we’re getting to know this eclectic group of young women. And I wonder what God has in store for these precious, young believers. Pray for their continued healing and equipping as leaders! Here's a few shots from the last week:

Youth Group - now just a small group of young women - meets every Wednesday night at our intern Christine's home.

Collaging - something Christine brought with her from her summer internship at Neighborhood Ministries - has become a regular part of our youth group nights, where the girls are given an opportunity to reflect and respond to the lesson.

Beach Day was a smashing success. Chris and I were musing at how hot it was a whopping 80 degrees!

Water balloon toss competition was fierce, given the grand prize of breakfast with Christine! The girls are so hungry for positive adult relationship. They are a precious, resilient, and fun group.

The Wiggles

2008-04-03T10:49:00.002-07:00

So if you don't have a toddler, you have no idea who the Wiggles are, so let me fill you in. They are four grown men from Australia that sing and dance to fun little kiddo ditties. Madeline loves them, Wiggig was one of her first words. Her dad hates them, as evidenced by one Wiggles CD having flown out our window into the canyon below. They're a bit intense, cheesey, and overdone - which makes for one rapt Maddie. She loves to sing and dance in general. Well, Grammy Shug' took Maddie to her first concert this week. For the first 40 minutes, Madeline did not budge from her grandma's lap and wouldn't turn her head from the stage. Then, all of a sudden, my girl emerged from her trance, and she danced and sang the final 40 minutes. Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star really mesmerized her with the disco ball and parents waving their cell phones the packed half of SDSU's COX Arena. Twingkul, Twingkul, lil staaar....

Long over due photo post

2008-03-30T07:54:00.007-07:00

Due to popular demand (ie, Catherine's insistent requests for more pics), I'm pleased to post some new pics of our family. The above shots are from an afternoon trip to Encinitas last weekend. Yes, Maddie went for a swim. You can't get her near water without her trying to undress and jump in.

Here's some footage (from almost 2 months ago):

And here's a great shot of my fam:

11w5d

2008-03-29T08:09:00.002-07:00

This morning I was prepared to see a little bean shape at my first ultrasound of Bebe Dos. But as our nurse showed us our first pictures of the little one, an image of an entire baby emerged, with 4 limbs and a button nose. My initial due date was off by two weeks, and the 12 week mark is only 2 days away! It's amazing how the image made it sink in that I'm really pregnant. Chris and I were both blown away by the 2" child growing quietly inside of me. I seriously don't feel pregnant. So, even though I know that I am, it was reassuring to see the little one.
Chris thinks it's a boy. I'm totally not interested in guessing. We have our next ultrasound where we should get to find out on May 28th, two months away. Wild. Time goes by so fast these days, chasing Maddie around. She was with us at the ultrasound. My paper gown alarmed her, as did my lying down on the exam table, but she was rapt when the ultrasound TV monitor turned on. She pointed at the fuzzy black and white image and said, "Baby." Watching her adjust to a new addition to our home will definitely be one of the most interesting, delightful, and difficult aspects of bringing home numero dos. While she has a reverence and fascination for little babies, she rules the roost here, and I know the transition will be difficult for her. I'd love to hear your stories about bringing home number 2 to a possessive number 1.

Our Holidays

2008-01-03T12:47:00.000-07:00

Maddie's favorite Christmas present seems to be a Fisher Price vacuum cleaner that her Great Aunt Jody gave her, which she pushes around the house as she carries her baby doll in one arm, which surprisingly doesn't freak me out. She'll have to grow into the runner-up favorite:

Lauren and Michael got married December 30th in a stunningly simple backyard ceremony in a home tucked in the Phx Mountain Preserve, with a similarly tasteful dinner reception following inside. The couple looked so happy.

Chaparral Desert Christmas

2007-12-26T09:53:00.000-07:00

*** MERRY CHRISTMAS! ***

Yesterday, as Chris and I were hiking to the summit of Cowles Mountain (think Squaw/Piestewa Peak without the variety of desert plants), I noticed about half way up that, despite a lot of pleasant Good Morning's, NO ONE had wished us a Merry Christmas. I was actually wondering if I had my days wrong (as we had celebrated with our family the day before.) Being relatively new to San Diego, I wondered if I would find the same thing in other cities, or if this area is particularly secular. So, with a bit of boldness, I began to wish Merry Christmas to hikers descending the mountain, and everyone was pleasantly receptive to a simple, yet packed, greeting. Only one hiker on the very busy 3-mile trail offered us a Christmas greeting without our prompting. How strange!
***
Maddie really got into unwrapping presents, everyone's presents. In fact, after she opened her first few presents, it was Scott's turn, as a rotation is our tradition. After his first tear, little Madeline let out a huge "Noooo", and came running to finish the job for him.
***

Baby Donivan was born Monday, December 17th by scheduled c-section. Diana reports that he is a mild, no fuss baby. Thank God for this temperament given she already had her hands full with 3 little ones.

The boys spent the week with us, as she recovered at the hospital, but she was eager to be back with them once she got home to her apartment. She continues to show amazing resiliency, and the YMCA Turning Point program is a great fit, she really values it.

***

The Christmas in the City Toy Store was a smashing success. A modern day fish and loaves experience. We almost canceled the event when corporate donations dried up after the Firestorm, but we had just the right amount of toys, volunteers, cookies to decorate, and families who showed up. And the strongest volunteer contingent was our City Heights teenagers and their moms!

Turning Point

2007-11-30T21:51:00.000-07:00

Sunday afternoon in my living room, I scrawled my paraphrase of Jeremiah 29 across the front of a size 1 diaper. Bradford brought the baby shower idea to embellish Diana's new baby diapers with encouragement, jokes, and wisdom. So, in the wee hours when Diana has to change a diaper, and there's no dad to nudge to 'get this one', at least she'll be reminded of a small group of ladies that are quickly becoming her friends. We celebrated Sunday, with special enthusiasm, because the new baby has a lovely 2-bedroom apartment to come home to when s/he arrives Dec 6th.

Yes, friends, God answers prayer. Against all odds, the YMCA's Turning Point teen transitional living program took on its largest family to date, had a whole apartment available, is willing to give Diana a 3-month waiver to it's mandatory employment rule (due to the baby's arrival by c-section in just a week), and even expedited the application process to get this family off the shelter floor and into beds of their own before Thanksgiving. Mmmhmmmm. God is good.

She was accepted into the program the same day Cameron got his stitches out. The next day we celebrated with pizza at Balboa Park, and the following day, she moved, the day before Thanksgiving, into her furnished apartment.

So, at the shower when we went around the room reading the front of the diapers. I explained to Diana and the others how I had 'claimed' Jeremiah 29 as a source of hope for her life, and that I expect that this turning point is but one step in her journey toward a future and a hope.

I hope I get to see this family grow up. This ordeal has been an experience in God's goodness, sufficiency, and love; not one that I'd wish on any family, but the sweet little apartment is full of such poignancy, such evidence of God's provision. And if a book I'm reading is right, "No real growth comes without pain" (O'Connor 1968), in accepting the invitation to walk this painful road with Diana, not only did I watch Diana grow in perseverance and faith, but I believe I have really grown, too.

A future and a hope: An update on Diana

2007-11-14T09:34:00.000-07:00

I am so ready to post an entry of breakthrough, redemption, and victory! But we continue to wait for permanent housing, and we grieve over a series of unfortunate events that add to Diana's stress.

First the good news, through a visitor at church, I learned of transitional housing for 'teens' that Diana will qualify for. The two San Diego programs both appear to have space available for a large family!! Why after talking to 15+ social workers and service providers and the county's 211 info line, this information wasn't shared sooner, I can only marvel at. Diana has begun the long application process at one and will start the other's next week at their monthly orientation. Both programs are oriented toward Independent Living and require full-time employment and/or education, which Diana will greatly benefit from. She is 3 classes away from a HS diploma. She was a 3.75 GPA student when she had her first child Carron, and a participant in Upward Bound, a college prep tutoring program (for which I worked in college). Once she gets stable housing and recovers from her C-section, she'll be able to enroll all her kids in daycare through the CalWorks program (a 36-month program, that can be used over a lifetime). So through a haze of obstacles, there is emerging a potential path.

In the meantime, over the last three weeks, each week has brought different stress. First during the Santa Ana's, she became dehydrated after looking all day for apartments and was hospitalized, 8 months pregnant, with dehydration. Last week, all four of them ate something bad and had an entire night of food poisoning; and then yesterday, her 3-year-old Cameron fell on the Head Start playground and was knocked unconscious. She arrived to the school only to get on an ambulance to bring him to the emergency room for 4 stitches on his forehead. Can you imagine? And to complicate things, this incident prevented her from making her scheduled interview with the Teen Housing program. Where is God's protection? I know His character, I know He is a defender of the widow and the fatherless, but I don't know His timing, nor His plan. But I claim His promise that He has plans to prosper this young woman. During this season of 'exile', we remember God's promise to the Israelites still in Babylon:

¹¹‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. ¹²‘Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. ¹³‘You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. ¹⁴‘I will be found by you,’ declares the LORD, ‘and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,’ declares the LORD, ‘and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile’ (Jeremiah 29).

So, Diana is sleeping at the downtown Rescue Mission in a room with two other families, and waiting to hear from the YWCA's Cortez Hill facility, the 90-day shelter that hopefully will serve as the intermediate home until she is placed in a transitional living 18-month program. Just last week, she finally received word that she should get a room at Cortez Hill this week or next. That, admittedly, was a huge breakthrough. Unexplainable why she was on the waiting list for so long, but awesome that they finally called.

Here's a request. She says she is very interested in Architecture. How can I encourage her to pursue job skill training in that field? Something to get her foot in the door and see if she really likes it. She's at a severe disadvantage, knowing little about computers, but I guess that's what school is for. Any ideas? Any San Diego contacts that might be of help?

Okay, so I have a lot to say, this post is a bit long.

Chris spoke of convergence in our Update Letter...well, last week I attended a Vision Meeting for a San Diego region Community Land Trust, a real estate model for permanently affordable housing, where the land is held in 'trust' by the community via a board comprised of community members and industry leaders. With a "real-life" face of the housing crisis before me, I accepted the invitation of the newly incorporated board to take on some research projects. God is good. He knows I am a 'doer', and I think he even celebrates it, providing opportunities like this. But He is showing me that He is the provider and sustenance, that it's not about me, that I won't survive in this work relying on my own doing. So I'm learning (slowly) to wait, to listen, and to accept help.

On the Way: Nov 2007 Update

2007-11-08T08:05:00.000-07:00

From left to right: Cameron, Jasmine, Diana, Carron; Hannan & Maddie.
(Sunday church pics ... next blog post.)

We didn’t start out this new season in City Heights with a plan. Sure, we had values and ministry philosophies that would guide us. We knew, for instance, that we wanted to take an “incarnational approach” using Jesus’ up-close-and-personal ministry model, as “God became flesh and blood and moved into the neighborhood” (The Message, John 1:14). We knew that we wanted to live in the community where we ministered, hoping to share in its struggles and hopes. Another value was that we wanted to practice “asset-based development,” believing that many resources were already in the community. “So how is that working for ya?” some might ask.

Chris’s reflection: Incarnational Ministry at Hoover High

We have had the privilege of watching these concepts become God-generated realities. I would describe the past few months as the gradual beginning of convergence; in other words, God is bringing together relationships that once seemed separate and compartmentalized. For instance, there is the convergence of coaching both Cross Country and Track at Hoover High, where our church leases space for worship services, and our growing church family. Two of my Cross Country runners and their family have been attending Sunday worship services, without my invitation. Recently, three other Harbor Church sites (in case you missed it, our work in City Heights is one of 9 Harbor sites) allowed Hoover students to sell Christmas trees as a fundraiser for the athletic program. Further, we have had the privilege of feeding the Hoover football team (and soon the basketball team because their coach “loves what we do”) a pre-game meal along with a short biblical values message (public school context friendly) as the team “chaplains”. I have encountered many of the players at the campus Young Life Club (a Christian outreach to students). The point is, God weaves together the ministry basket and is creating an incarnational ministry presence on the campus of a “failing” public school. All praise goes to our creative Lord!

Anastasia’s reflection: A Face of Asset-Based Development
Diana, a homeless mom with three children, found our church because her mother showed her the mailer we sent out in September. Her story has had a significant impact on me, as I walk with her in trying to find stable shelter, a place where she can prepare for self-sufficiency. Part of doing “asset-based development” is to learn the community, which we started to do through introductory interviews with local community workers. I interviewed a few people involved in housing during our initial months. But now that I see Diana’s dire situation, I realized I was asking all the wrong questions. In the desperate search for shelter, I have encountered many listening ears, who I know in the coming years will become friends, who will bless us with their expertise, share the load of advocacy for vulnerable families, and help us maintain hope in an environment of brutal rents, limited resources, and weak family structures. I thank God for the property manager who is praying for Diana, for the welfare attorney who prompted me to ask better questions, and for the family self-sufficiency counselor who encouraged me not with good news, but with her patient and kind voice. I do not have good news for you about Diana’s situation right now (I blogged about her in a previous entry, if you are curious). But I can tell you that God is moving in this community through believers and non-believers who are taking up the cause of the vulnerable. And He is crafting in me a broken heart, drawing me into dependence on His goodness, as I walk with Diana, and together we try to maintain faith in the unseen in a season of uncertainty. Will you hope and pray with us?

Gifts to help us support the Diana's of City Heights can be accepted, just note Mid-City Mercy; or we are fundraising our living expenses, so please consider a year-end, tax-deductible gift, note Brewster. Contact us for further information. We thank you for your friendship, concern, prayer, and financial support.

No Room in the Inn

2007-10-31T08:17:00.000-07:00

Diana is living a life experiment in human resiliency. She came to our church via the mass mailer invitation we sent out in early September. Fleeing an abusive relationship in North Carolina, she moved in with her her mom for a few months this past summer, swelling the one bedroom apartment from 3 residents to 7. Diana is 21 and has three kids with one due in early December. After a couple months, her mom couldn't risk jeopardizing her affordable lease any longer and asked her oldest daughter to move on. Diana spent a month on a floor mat with her three little ones (ages 4, 3, and 1) at the downtown Rescue Mission shelter. She also got on the wait list at several transitional living shelters, but now 2 months later, she is living in an SRO (ratty single room occupancy motel) on El Cajon Blvd. The Mission allows families to stay for one month at a time, then after a month lapses can return for another month.

We are approaching the end of the one month lapse and Diana will return to the Mission Friday, 8 months pregnant. I have been walking with her in the search for permanent shelter. Homeless shelters were full even before the fires, and our hopes are diminishing. We thought we might be able to find an apartment she can afford on public assistance, but that was naive. She has no support network outside of her mom and teenage sisters. She needs a roommate, a job, and some stability. I was praying for a landlord to make a decision to accept her application against his best business judgment, but now I see with no guarantee of sufficient income once her unemployment runs out that would be setting her up for missed rent and eviction.

I have learned more about San Diego housing and crisis services in the last week than in months of strategic asset mapping. It's amazing how a real life motivates you to dig deeper. Now, we're waiting to learn more about a couple of transitional homes for youth, for which this young mom may qualify. Unfortunately, I'm certain there will be waiting lists, during which time, I'm not sure how to serve Diana. And then I'm pressed with the responsibility of having an unoccupied bedroom - in a community where that is absolutely unheard of, where kids grow up sleeping on couches and sleeping bags in the living room. I am at a loss.

I began this journey with Diana hopeful and zealous which quickly turned to ashamed feeling of ineptness, followed by desperate pleas for God to move, anger at by-the-book, inflexible landlords, overwhelming insufficiency given the magnitude of the housing crisis in San Diego, fear and outrage at the quality of some of the moldy units we saw, moments of gratitude for kind listeners, and contempt for a few unhelpful social service professionals, uncertainty about what I'm personally supposed to do, and finally sadness that Diana is in the situation primarily because she has 4 children out of wedlock.

I can't even begin to imagine how Diana feels. The loneliness, the stress, the desperation. But I know God knows and cares. May he be the Father to the fatherless and protect this dear sister.

I hope to post a favorable update soon. So let's pray, friends!!!

On a lighter note: Happy Feet

2007-10-24T17:21:00.000-07:00

Madeline recently started tap dancing. It's hilarious, she stomps her way around the house.

No need to worry

2007-10-24T16:49:00.001-07:00

Well, our city has been ablaze this week. We live 7 miles from the nearest mandatory evacuation zone, which is just southeast of us in Spring Valley, the Harris fire. Our backyard patio table is covered in pieces of ash above.

If you look at this link, we live just west of the City of Lemon Grove, east of the 15 freeway.
Google Map

Thanks for your calls of concern. Even though we're 'unaffected' these fires have impacted much of our city. The schools are closed, so Chris took Dahir, one of his athletes, to an indoor gym for a workout. My attempts to find temporary housing for a church attender's homeless family is stymied by the great need all over the county. But we got to spend extended time with a friend who would usually have been teaching yesterday.

It's also just so dry. I feel like I'm in Phoenix! Where's my lip balm? And it's hot. 93 degrees today - a very hot day for San Diego, any time of the year. But the good news is that the winds have died down. It hardly is even stirring here at our house.

One year down

2007-08-27T07:33:00.000-07:00

My baby girl turned one today. Chris and I sang to her and we be-bopped in our pajamas.

There's nothing trite about "they grow so fast" when it has happened right before your unbelieving eyes. She went from her newborn push ups and scooting to walking everywhere overnight. She went from blue baby, my lung hurts, mom, screams to short-wicked temper tantrums at the prospect of a diaper change or leaving the park. I can't remember a time when she didn't shake her head "No" at me. But I can't wait for her vocabulary to grow. She seems content to tell me that all animals "woof", and "maamaaamaaa" seems to indicate "please?", a euphimism for "I want that now."

Sleep deprivation seems like nothing now compared to my inevitable loss of sanity trying to keep up with a very determined, freakishly independent toddler. Madeline thinks she can swim. I watched her try to climb into the Avila's pool, one leg swung over the side last week. Yesterday, she once again amazed us with her love of the ocean, walking straight into waves. She wiggles free if you try to hold her above the water. She unfortunately, still loves to nurse, and is finally teething, so we won't be giving that up right away like I intended.

Her favorite toy is her new phone. She puts it to her ear and says, "Hiiiiyee". But she puts everything to her ear and talks, even half-chewed toast. Grammy Shuga discovered the Wiggles and Maddie now seems to be infatuated. She called their DVD the Wigigs, and she sat for 45 minutes watching 4 dancing/singing/emotive grown men. This serves as my 'nap', where I can get something done, because Maddie still doesn't sleep long during the day, two 30-minute catnaps is all we get.

***

And now, a day late, I'm finishing my entry because as it goes with a toddler, I don't know where the time went. I am so proud of my little girl, and so humbled at the prospect of parenting her. I have no idea what I'm doing. But I love doing it.

On the Way: July/August Update Letter

2007-08-02T09:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

I write with a full heart. Starting a church makes you very cognizant of your personal need for Good News. We’re fallible, we’re finite, we’re dreamers unsure of how to live in the reality of our highest values. We’re committed to seeing the Kingdom of God reign in Mid-City San Diego, redeeming the lives of those both north and south of El Cajon Boulevard. Right now we’re largely, though not exclusively, a middle-class, commuter church. I fear that this won’t change, that class reconciliation and multi-culturalism is too hard. So I pray. And I ask for your prayers. May God draw souls to Him, and may He draw our church out of our cultural comforts and into mission.

Our little house church now numbers about 60 people, including the 9 kids. We have seen one woman come to Christ, and there are several non-believers regularly attending our meetings. We have outgrown our living room, right on time for our transition to ‘practice’ services in the Hoover High Auditorium this Sunday. Our move to Hoover is exciting, but also tinged with a bit of sadness, because our house church time has been so sweet. Our prayer is to maintain intimacy even as we grow. We will hold bi-lingual services, with a breakout for the Spanish sermon – pray for unity and inclusiveness despite language barriers. We intend to focus heavily on Children’s Ministry, even though our oldest child at the moment is 4. Melissa Tucker (a fellow Gilbert High grad!) has assumed our Children’s Ministry Director position and brings with her a passion for multi-cultural education, having taught at both a City Heights elementary school and a very diverse Sunday School at another local church. She is another evidence of God’s grace for our little church.

Announcement fliers will be mailed to local zip codes in late August, inviting the community to our first public worship service on September 9^th. We’re praying for a great turnout! And you are always welcome to join us. Thank you for partnering with us in this work.

Chris continues to follow the Spirit back into youth ministry. He just returned from a week at Young Life’s Lost Canyon camp in Williams, AZ with 25 Hoover High students. Here are some of his reflections and hopes from encountering Jesus in the lives of these young people:

Due to the fact that God has kicked open doors for me to enter into coaching Track at Hoover, as well as helping the local Young Life ministry through a bi-monthly Bible Study with students, the number of teenage guys I already had a relationship with, before going to camp, simply astounded me. Having only been in San Diego a little more than six months, the way that God has put me in contact with young men who I first met on the track, and then ended up in my living room discussing Bible stories, simply, again, astounds me. The bonds of trust between the guys and us as their mentors, and the powerful work of the Spirit, helped create the safety necessary for one of the most powerful nights of brotherhood and healing I have experienced in ministry.

In our cabin, after a camp talk about “trusting Jesus in the storms of our lives,” we went around the circle in our cabin with the question, “What was the most difficult time of your life (storm)?” I heard things like, “I remember my dad beating my mother so bad that I had to shoot him in the leg when I was eight.” Or, “My mom is a drug addict. She has never seen me wrestle; she wasn’t even there when I won the regional match.” You get the point. With twelve other stories like that, the heaviness in the room was so intense that I had to close my eyes with tears coming down and take in huge breaths of air. I felt like I was suffocating. I wanted to leave. And, after the dumping of hurts and pain finished, I thought, “What now? There is nothing to say, nothing to do but….” I was asked to close the group in prayer. I did my best to invite Jesus into the spiritual/emotional darnage. I finished praying and immediately found young men who walk with a strut and swagger, who dunk basketballs on people’s heads, who draw crowds around them on the dance floor, weeping in each others arms with sobs that sounded like a Middle Eastern mourning ritual. “I love you man, you’re my boy,” I heard many times. The way that they cared for each other and experienced solidarity in each other’s pain, re-awakened me to the power of relationship, as Jesus extended open arms to them through one another. Please pray for continued healing in these young men’s lives, for Jesus to use their stories to affect great change in their personal spheres of influence.

* * * * *
Well, given the many opportunities we've had to jump right into ministry, we lost focus on our fundraising goals. We still have $1,000/month to raise.

Would you consider becoming a monthly supporter?